


Bromance

by Coolbeanzed



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen, the sidemen
Genre: Anal, Angst, Best Friends, Blowjobs, Bromance, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Love, M/M, Surprise Romance, Surprise Ship, male friendships, yes I'm going to be mean and not tell you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 23:42:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 29,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6097767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coolbeanzed/pseuds/Coolbeanzed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh and Simon have been best friends for years. Years! How could something like this happen after such a long time?</p><p>This story is about self-discovery and the trials of friendships alongside life and relationships with lovers, family, and the public who are so important to all their careers...</p><p>Will Simon and Josh be brave enough to admit their feelings for one another to themselves, let alone one another, or anyone else? Or will this destroy their close friendship?</p><p>Sorry not a great description - the story is better xD give it a read! Thank you!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Tobi where's my controller?!" Simon shouted as he walked into his friends bedroom, only to see him and Josh playing GTA together. Completely ignoring him.

"Oi spack head!" He slapped Tobi on the head just hard enough for him to crash his car, resulting in Josh winning. He chuckled as Josh gloated and Tobi cursed angrily, throwing his controller back at him.

"You're an asshole." 

"You love it."

"No Josh's the only one who loves your asshole you twat."

"Yeah I do." Josh winked, laughing at Tobi's theatrically disgusted reaction.

"OI will you lot shut the fuck up I'm trying to do a video in here!!!" JJ screamed at them from his room.

Simon stole some of the Malteser's that his friends had in front of them and headed back to his own room to relax and play some Fifa before having to return to editing his most recent footage.

"So did you actually talk to Si in the end?"

"Shut up!"

"What?!"

"Shut the fuck up man he's gonna hear you!" Josh hissed, panicking slightly.

"Look it's not an issue - at least it doesn't have to be. Like, you're gonna make it one the longer you leave it." 

"Yeah I know...I just...like...everything's really good right now I don't wanna ruin it, you know?" Tobi nodded.

"I know. I don't think you will though, you're really good mates."

"Hope so."

Simon sheepishly returned to Josh's room less than a half hour later to give Tobi back his controller.

"Hey man you can have it back."

"Awh thanks man. You ok?"

"Yeah just not feelin' it I guess."

"Hey don't get into that place again, Si." Josh said, concerned.

"I'm not I'm just tired I had like one hour sleep last night." Josh raised his eyebrows and Simon hung his head and sighed in defeat.

"Alright. God dammit why you gotta know me so well?" Josh shrugged modestly.

"Want some help with your videos?"

"No it's alright you guys are playing-"

"It's cool, I can play by myself for a bit - gotta keep my game up so I can keep kickin' his butt, right?" Tobi winked and laughed at Josh and the two of them moved into Simon's bedroom.

"So what brought this on?"

"Nothing."

"Simon."

"Nothing!"

"Mate, seriously, why do you even try?"

"I mean it nothing's happened I'm just in a rut."

"I'll help you with these and then we're all gonna go out tonight."

"JJ's editing, Vik's out with Manny, and Tobi's got dinner with his family or something. Besides I don't really feel like it."

"Ok then you and me go out just the two of us."

"What about Freya?"

"She's with her friends tonight. Besides just cause she's my girlfriend doesn't mean we hang out every single day." Simon nodded.

"Ok, what do you wanna do?"

"You wanted to see the new Star Wars didn't you?"

"Yeah but we were all gonna go up to the IMAX to see that. They'll be pissy if we go without them."

"Ok then we could just go out and get some drinks? Pick you up a hot girl."

"Yeah ok." Simon laughed, it was half fake, which showed a little, but it made him feel better to see Josh laugh too. He hated bringing him down too when he was bummed out. It made him feel guilty.

"Ok let's get started..." Josh helped him for over three hours on his videos before calling out for Chinese takeaway.

"Ok so get that down you then get changed and we'll go out!"

"Sounds good."

Two hours later and they were both sat by the bar in a club with their third round of drinks. 

"Thanks for helping me today, man. I really appreciate it." Josh shrugged.

"It's cool, no worries. That girl over there's been checkin' you out for the past like...ten minutes." His stomach lurched as Simon turned round and turned back with a small smile on his face.

"She's alright, yeah she's alright." 

"Well go on then!"

"Nah, can't be arsed."

"What you can't be arsed to hook up?"

"No I can't be arsed to do small talk all night and maybe arrange a date, go on it, then have a couple more over the next few weeks then fuck at the end of that. It's a long drawn out process."

"You never know Simon, you might actually like that girl."

"Yeah maybe." Relief flooded Josh's nervous brain, until the girl stood and walked towards them. Shit.

"Hi, can I get three white wine spritzer's please." She asked the bartender.

"So how long am I gonna have to look at you before you come and say hi?" She asked sweetly. She had long red hair that was curly, and perfect fair skin to go with it.

"Uh hey! I'm Simon, this is Josh." She shook their hands.

"I'm Alicia."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too, so what brought you guys out tonight?"

"Uh we wanted some time together...Josh's parents have been giving him a hard time about the relationship - he's only just come out.." Josh choked on his beer as Simon took hold of his hand lovingly.

"Oh! Oh my gosh I'm such an idiot - sorry-"

"No, don't be silly. If we weren't together I'd've come over to talk to you. You're a very beautiful woman." Her cheeks flushed slightly and she nodded, embarrassed.

"Right thanks - sorry again-" 

"I'll get those." Simon handed money to the bartender who took it before Alicia could argue.

"You didn't have to do that let me pay you back-"

"No chance! You girls have fun."

"Thank you, you too!"

"By the way - that dark-haired bloke in the corner over there has been watching you this whole time." Josh pointed him out and Alicia smiled shyly.

"Thanks! Bye guys."

"Bye." Josh raised an eyebrow at his friend, the action not giving away the pure chaos that was going on inside his head.

"What?"

"We're boyfriends now? When's the wedding?" He picked up their still entwined hands. Simon dropped the limb like a hot stone.

"I didn't know what else to do!"

"About a beautiful girl hitting on you? You flirt with her not me!!"

"I know, you prick! I just...didn't feel like it."

"Fair enough. Guess it's a good thing I'm okay playing your boyfriend - be back in a sec sweet cheeks." Simon didn't have time to hit his friend or call him a name when he kissed his cheek as he stood and left quickly. He turned round and Josh winked at him, headed to the bathroom.

"You guys are a really great couple, how long you been together?"

"We haven't! I-I mean we're not..."

"Oh right - not exclusive?" Simon knew he was being stupid, knew he was being defensive and weird about it. If this had happened to any of the guys he'd find it hysterical. He had no idea why he was being so unreasonably freaked out about the whole situation. But there he was, stammering away in embarrassment.

"I-uh-I-"

"Hey, whatcha done to get Simon all riled up?" Josh winked at the bartender and flung an arm casually around his pretend boyfriend's shoulders.

"I just asked how long you guys had been together and he said you weren't so I asked if you weren't exclusive or something."

"Well I want to be a couple but Simon isn't ready yet - so we agreed to keep it open for a while."

"Really? Wow, takes strong people to do tha- hang on a sec." He walked to the other side of the bar to make someone a drink and Simon wriggled out of his grasp.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"Calm down! I'm just continuing what you started, babes." Simon punched him on the leg. What he didn't know was that Josh was happier now that he had been in months.

"Yeah sorry - what was I saying? Oh right, yeah I mean it takes a lot of trust to do that. In a lot of ways it's harder to have an open relationship than an exclusive one. But...what kind of guys are you two into?"

"Oh we're not both- I mean we wouldn't both-"

"Tall, dark, handsome....sick mixing skills." Simon gaped at Josh as he flirted shamelessly with the bartender who lapped it up and within five minutes had tucked his number into Josh's shirt pocket.

"Holy fuck what is wrong with you."

"What's the big deal? It's fun!" 

"It is not fun, this whole situation is so-"

"We're gonna go to a different bar so you can chill. But you need to relax. Come on baby!! Bye Alex- nice to meet you."

"You too! Bye Simon!" Josh waved and Simon yanked him out the door.

Simon was uncharacteristically flustered by the whole situation, so much so that when they arrived in the next bar, he had to down a whole beer in record time before he could face Josh again. Josh just sat and laughed at him.

"You're a prick."

"It was funny, come on." At Josh's laughter, Simon's panic slowly died down to the point where they could both laugh about it together.

"Okay okay....but we're never doing that again. Let's just get pissed and go home?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"It is." They wound each other up with trash talk until their vodka shots arrived.

"Here's to our open relationship."

"Cheers!" 

An hour later, and Simon was hanging off of Josh's shoulders as he supported him whilst they walked home.

"You are such a lightweight." Josh was drunk too, but Simon was absolutely shitfaced.

"Shut up....am not..." They staggered all the way back to the house and Josh tried to no avail to make Simon quieten down.

Although, as he checked all the rooms, they were alone anyway. He wasn't thinking straight anymore, the shots had finally overtaken his mind and when he looked at Simon headed into Vik's room he knew he'd lost it.  
"Wait...hold up...that's Vik's room you numpty....come on..." Simon giggled at himself as Josh led him into his bedroom. Simon plopped himself down on the bed.

"Tonight..was fun. Thank you.." Josh's heart was pounding. Every part of his body knew what he wanted but somewhere deep in brain, the only part not affected by beers and vodka - knew it wouldn't end well.

"OI...I'm talking to you.." Simon stood and poked him in the chest, only to abruptly fall over and Josh caught him just in time.

"Right, sorry...." Simon giggles for a while but his laughter died out at the serious expression on Josh's face and the atmosphere in the room.

"What-!!!" Josh pressed his lips to Simon's and began moving them gently. Simon could have pulled away. He could have pushed Josh away, could have yelled at him, could have passed out on his bed, or at least pretended to. Instead he stood, shell shocked for a moment, as his best friend's lips moved against his, before giving in.

When Simon made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a whine and moved his hands up to the back of Josh's neck and began kissing him back - he was completely stunned. His heart pounded hard in his chest like his blood through his veins as excitement thrummed in every inch of his body as their kiss grew more passionate; Simon's breath huffed on his cheek and his noises sent blood straight to his crotch. When he let his hands feel up inside Simon's shirt the other man whined and opened his mouth. Their tongues collided and slid against one another in a way that excited both of them more than anything else ever had. Simon didn't realise he was scratching the back of Josh's neck and shoulders until he moaned hard into his mouth in response. When their hips knocked against one another and they felt how hard they were, they both froze for a moment. Josh kept his hands where they were on Simon's back - he didn't want him to pull away now. Simon looked down and slowly slid his hands down Josh's body, slipping his fingers into the top of the waistband of his friend's jeans and pulling them closer together, knocking their crotches together again. They both groaned and kissed again, they couldn't get enough friction where they were, so when Josh swiped at Simon's bedside table, knocking everything off it and lifted him onto it - he didn't complain. He just moaned as Josh's hands slipped round to his ass to pull him into where he was rutting against him. They continued kissing, each one becoming more messy and movements more frenzied as they dry humped one another. It still wasn't enough and, frustrated, Josh picked Simon up again, this time slamming him up against the wall and ruthlessly pounding their hips against one another. Simon cried out and clutched onto Josh's shoulders to help him keep himself in that position. Their kisses were forgotten for a few minutes as they focused entirely on reaching their climax. When their eyes met, they could both feel how aroused they were, there was fear and doubt and confusion, but their overwhelming need and excitement overrode it. Josh, afraid Simon was about to freak out, kissed him again and continued rubbing against him hard. Simon's noises became louder and louder until he cried out loudly and shuddered underneath Josh who ground his hips into his until he felt him ride out his orgasm. He was about to let him go when Simon shook his head and kissed him breathily, lust heavy all over his body, so Josh picked him up again and continued his actions to get himself there too. When he came, thrusts erratically snapping into Simon, the other man held onto him tightly, grounding him slightly. His arms were too shaky to hold him up any more and Simon let himself down, still holding onto him, Josh leant against the wall, against Simon, for what felt like seconds - but was a long time as they caught their breath and slowly lifted out of their lusty haze.

When Josh finally stepped back, Simon looked at him in a way that he didn't understand, so he ducked down and kissed him one last time before leaving the room to save his friend from having to come up with something to say. No doubt he wouldn't be happy about it.

As he showered and lied in bed, still in shock, he realised what a horrific mistake he'd made - and how much he'd enjoyed it.


	2. Chapter 2

Simon came to slowly when the radiator popped, gurgled and came to life as someone turned the heating on.

He shifted in his bed and realised how uncomfortable he was. He was still fully clothed - shoes and all - and was impossibly tangled in his sheets.

He untangled himself slowly - nausea and a pounding head preventing him from moving too quickly - and winced when he knocked off his shoes and stood, feeling his underwear peel off his skin. He undressed hesitantly and froze when he saw the dried ejaculate on his underwear, skin and hair. The previous nights' memories slowly returned and he felt his stomach lurch.

Josh heard a door being slammed as he boiled the kettle groggily and groaned when he realised Simon must have woken up. The other sidemen still hadn't returned and he wished they had. It would be easier with JJ there, tormenting them over their hangovers, or Vik cooking a fry up just to make him feel more nauseated, but then actually making him eat it to make him feel better. 

Simon didn't want to leave the bathroom in case he bumped into Josh, but the smell of vomit was making him feel worse so he opened the window and brushed his teeth quickly before heading to the kitchen. Water was a must.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Josh making a drink. He took a deep breath and walked in, he didn't know what to say so he stayed silent instead - which was far worse.

Josh chewed his lip nervously and hurried to make the coffees. Simon ran himself a glass of water and stood there, sipping slowly.

"Here." Josh slid him an anti-nausea sachet and he took it gratefully.

"Thanks- oh, cheers." He accepted the coffee he'd made as well. They both stood and sipped at their drinks awkwardly. The tension was palpable, they both hated it.

"Look Simon-"

"Josh I don't-" They spoke up at the same time and sopped at the same time.

"Sorry, you go." Josh conceded.

"I...I'm sorry I don't know what to say really....it's...I don't know." He shrugged and looked down at his coffee, frustrated with himself.

"I don't want it to be like this." He looked up at the sad tone of Josh's voice. Meeting his eyes was horribly difficult, but when he did he felt a barrage of conflicting emotions hit him. On the one hand - this was one of his best friends, someone he trusted more than almost everyone on the planet. On the other - he was one of his best friends, and they'd nearly had sex.

"I don't either." He agreed after a minute of inner turmoil.

"You're not mad at me?"

"We were both there, Josh. We were both hammered...no I'm not." Josh nodded, an even mix of nerves, sadness and relief.

They stayed in silence for a while longer before Josh suggested food. Simon agreed simply for the fact he wanted to try and ease the awkward tension.  
However as they moved around the kitchen, getting ingredients, cutlery, plates, pans - they constantly bumped into and brushed against each other. Normally it wouldn't have mattered, they wouldn't have even bothered to apologise. But then, after what had happened, they found themselves stammering our apologies every time it happened. By the time they'd cooked breakfast and eaten it - something which both of them felt too nervous to do - their nerves were fried, and they each mumbled out different reasons for leaving before running away from one another to escape the tension.

Simon showered and crawled back into his bed after trying and failing to concentrate on producing a new video.

Josh knocked on his door a couple of hours later and threw a controller at him.  
"FIFA?"

"Sure." Soon they were battling it out on the game and were too absorbed in the competition to feel awkward, and they pushed and shoved at one another like they usually did to distract one another.

When Simon won, Josh asked for a rematch - JJ returned while they were in the middle of it and came and sat with them.

One by one, the other sidemen returned and the two were distracted from their issues at last.  
They had a good day together, so good that Simon finally came up with a new idea for his next video and persuaded Tobi to join him in it. He was then kept busy editing it and getting it posted before the day was through. He thought as he finally settled into bed at 2 in the morning that he'd avoided any chance of speaking to Josh. However this was short lived when the very man knocked on the door quietly and let himself in at Simon's permission. He closed the door and hovered awkwardly just in front of it. Simon gestured at his chair so he could sit down.

"Thanks....look I just thought we should talk I-"

"We're cool, Josh, what's there to talk about?"

"If we pretend nothing happened it's just gonna get worse, Si, and then we'll end up not even being able to be in the same room as each other, and then we won't be friends anymore and we live together and that's not practical or sensible and I don't [i]want[/i] that cause you're like my best friend-" While Josh talked quickly, panicked, and paced up and down Simon's room, unable to stay in the chair, the blonde had stood and approached him. Simon silenced him by hugging him tightly. It made both of them feel awkward to have contact again, but the action was the easiest way of explaining how he felt, and he was relieved to feel Josh relax. But when his hands moved up his back, he had vivid flashbacks of the night before and he moved out of the embrace quickly.

"We're cool I promise."

"Yeah but why do you think it happened? It's not like having an argument about something stupid, Simon, it's a big fucking deal! And it didn't happen for no reason!"

"You think I don't know that? It happened because we were both drunk and-and stupid and...and I'm hard up I haven't had any in almost a year and you don't see Freya as much cause of her work, so you were hard up too and we just...turned to each other I guess it's not a big deal it's what people do-"

"It's not what straight guys do."

"Oh don't start that. No." Simon stood up out of his bed again, angry.

"What?!"

"Don't start making this a huge fucking emotional deal, okay? It's NOT a big deal and we're not gonna make it one."

"If we hadn't been so desperate and drunk...we would've fucked last night." Simon shook his head and couldn't bring himself to look at his friend who was winding him up really really tight.

"Shut up."

"It's true we wanted it so-"

"I said shut the FUCK up, Josh!!"

 

Tobi poked his head out of his bedroom when he heard two of his friends arguing loudly and saw Vik and JJ doing the same.  
"You think those guys are ok?"

"Doesn't sound like it. I thought they were ok...maybe they had an argument last night when we weren't here." Vik pondered in concern.

"They'll be fine - they just need to get it out their systems. Here." JJ had the final say and threw them earplugs so they could return to their bedrooms and get some desperately needed shut-eye.

 

"You can get as angry as you want- you know it's true." Josh was trying to keep his cool and failing, but he knew if he pushed Simon hard enough he'd break first. He was already freaking out, desperately clutching at straws to protect himself from having to admit the truth.

"It's not true - if it was we would've made the effort to do it!" Simon hissed, realising they'd been shouting and lowered his voice. The last thing he needed was any of the others hearing what was being said.

"Are you saying if I got on my knees right now and opened my mouth you'd say no?" Simon was taken aback by Josh's explicit words and stood, dumbfounded.

"Didn't think so-"

"Don't put words in my mouth!"

"Why? Want something else in there?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Simon growled and grabbed his friend, shoving him backwards. Unfortunately Josh had a hold of his wrist and took them both crashing down.

"Get the fuck off of me!" Josh panted as he and his friend grappled with one another violently. They didn't resort to physical violence unless it was a joke, ever. So the adrenaline and shock was coursing through both of them by the time Josh flipped them over and pinned Simon's wrists down.

"Let me go- let go of me!!" Simon wriggled and squirmed underneath him, panicking, while Josh just watched him steadily.

"Stop staring at me." Simon asked, looking away but unable to escape Josh's eyes blazing into his skin.

"Look at me."

"Fuck you." Josh put a knee in between his legs and felt his semi-erection that Simon hadn't even realised he was sporting. He flushed an even deeper shade of crimson and wriggled and pushed with every ounce of his strength to push Josh off of him.

"Josh-" The other man's lips suddenly connected to his throat and he withheld a whimper as his hot tongue flicked over his skin.

Josh breathed in Simon's scent hard, indulging himself with the familiar smell that now made his toes curl. His friend's taste on his tongue tested his self control to the limit. He knew he was seriously testing Simon, and he was terrified of pushing him further away, but when Simon moaned....he knew he wouldn't be able to stop.

"J-Josh, stop...." He continued his painfully slow onslaught until he was satisfied then moved across to the other side.  
"Fuck...stop it...." Simon moaned breathily as Josh moved his knee further against his crotch.

"Why? You're clearly enjoying it." Simon swallowed as his friend let go of his wrists and sat back on his heels, still straddling his hips. He left his hands where they were, unsure of what he wanted to do. Josh stood and Simon closed his eyes, fighting the hard fist of disappointment that hit him in the gut.

"What am I doing then?" Simon turned over and stood up shakily as Josh stood in the door way.

"What do you mean?"

"Am I closing the door behind me on my way out, or locking it from the inside?" Simon's heart pounded hard in his chest, he clenched his fists and screwed his eyes shut with the difficulty of the decision.

"Lock it." Josh was so relieved, and yet terrified when he had to walk back to Simon and pretend like he knew what he wanted, knew what he was doing, when in reality he was completely out of his depth.

 

In the morning, Josh woke up, instantly knowing he wasn't in his own bed. He glanced over his shoulder to see Simon curled up right behind him, head just touching his back. He nestled backwards slightly, not ready for the moment to be gone. He pretended to be asleep when he heard Simon starting to wake. 

He slowly shifted and turned over when he knew his friend was awake, he was lying on his back looking at the ceiling. He turned and met Josh's eyes. Josh couldn't tell if he was sad, worried, angry, confused, or all of the above.

"Want me to go?" Simon didn't say anything but shook his head slowly.

"I don't get this. Like...all of a sudden."

"I know. I know it's...really difficult to get your head around." Simon chuckled bitterly and nodded.

"God I wish you were a Joan instead of a Josh." Josh laughed quietly.

"As if you'd ever shag a woman called Joan." Simon looked at him incredulously for a moment before bursting into laughter with him. Josh sighed in the end and stood to unlock the door.

"Wouldn't wanna explain that to anyone." Simon nodded and tried in vain not to look at his body as he returned to the bed.

"Can I ask you something?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Cause I know what you're gonna ask." Simon covered his face with his hands and Josh chuckled.

"Why wouldn't you let me blow you last night? I didn't expect one back-"

"I know you didn't."

"So...?"

"I...I dunno it just freaked me out a bit, I wasn't ready." Josh nodded.

"There's no rush I was just wondering how come." Simon smiled slightly as he kissed him again.

"Your beard feels nice..." Josh pulled a face, sticking his chin out as Simon fiddled with the strands of coarse hair, laughing quietly.

"I'm literally never shaving it off again." Simon laughed at him and sat up, pulling his t-shirt on.

"So what are you doing today?" 

"No plans - you?"

"Me and JJ were gonna go to Lakeside, do some shopping, get some food. You wanna come?"

"Yeah sounds good." As he got up, Simon caught his wrist.

"Hey." Josh bent down over him.

"I'm glad we're OK."

"Me too." He hugged his friend - or maybe not so much a friend now - tightly and kissed him one last time before leaving to get ready.

They were all watching the next episode of Breaking Bad they'd reached -the three men had decided to postpone their shopping spree when they saw Tobi and Vik getting sat down to watch it - when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!" JJ yelled, the door opened and Simon felt his happiness drop by about 20 levels when he saw Freya peek round the door.

"Hi!" He glanced at Josh who looked at him with a sadly undecipherable expression before being kissed and hugged by his girlfriend of four years.

Simon bit his lip and tried to ignore their quiet cooing at one another, focusing on the show they all loved. A strange, overwhelming feeling had overtaken his brain and he didn't know how to get rid of it. But he wasn't gonna look freaked out. He wouldn't look upset - he'd make sure of it. He didn't want anyone suspecting anything, but even more than that - he didn't want Josh thinking Simon thought it was more than it was. It was just sex between friends. He knew that. It still freaked him out, he didn't want to even think about it being anything else. But there was something about her kissing him and sitting on his lap that just made him want to storm out of the room and never set foot in the house again.

The episode finished and JJ went to grab his wallet.  
"So I'm guessing you're not coming now?"

"Ooh where?" Simon gritted his teeth at Freya's question. Please no, no, no, no. Just [b][i]no.[/b][/i]

"Lakeside, shopping."

"Awh man I haven't been shopping properly in ages! Can we go there with them instead? Or did I persuade you to go to lunch too well?"

"No, no, whatever you want." Simon wanted to scream. When they kissed sweetly it just twisted the knife. Fuck Josh. Fuck Freya too. Simon had to stop himself there, Freya was lovely - in fact he should be extra nice to her seeing as he'd nearly fucked her boyfriend twice. In fact, the best way to get at Josh was probably through her.

"Great! We haven't talked in ages." She smiled and agreed with Simon's kind words and positive attitude, Josh looked pale. Good.

When Simon moved into his room to get his shoes he wasn't at all surprised by Josh entering his room closely behind him.  
"What's up?"

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't realise this was gonna happen."

"Why sorry? Me and Freya get on really well, we always have done."

"Yeah...but I mean...it's pretty shit."

"For who?"

"Well isn't it...for you?"

"Josh we dry humped and gave each other hand jobs - we're not getting married." Simon's harsh words and tone cut him like a knife and he nodded sadly. Simon felt horribly agitated, he loathed conflict and especially with Josh. Particularly when he looked so utterly devastated.

"Yeah I know....I just didn't want you to be upset."

"Well I'm not - problem solved. Or were you more worried about the possibility that I might tell her?" His face really fell at that.

"No I was worried about you. Fuck me for giving a shit." He slammed the door on his way out and Simon swallowed his upset, a thick lump in his throat, at the realisation Josh hadn't thought about anything other than him.

The drive to Lakeside was long. Well, technically it wasn't, but it felt like it. Josh tried to act as normal as he could but the fact Simon had thought he'd be more worried about him telling Freya - that he even thought he'd think he'd do that - hurt him far more than it should have done if they were as casual as they were pretending. It was shocking how they'd gone from zero to a hundred in so little time. And it also scared him how little he suddenly wanted to see Freya. He couldn't have been more devastated when she walked through the door - the guilt those feelings instilled in him was unbearable, because she didn't deserve any of it.

She poked him in the ribs.

"What?"

"JJ's talking to you."

Simon knew Josh was thinking about it when he didn't answer JJ. He hated the twisted feeling in his gut and when they arrived at Lakeside he headed straight for the loos just to get away from the others. JJ followed him and saw him leaning against the sink.

"You alright, man?"

"Yeah- yeah, just feeling a bit sick."

"Really? Or is it something with you and Josh?"

"What?"

"We heard you guys arguing last night, man."

"Oh...right..."

"It sounded bad - did something happen?"

"Uh no it was stupid, it's just made it awkward."

"Yeah I can tell. Maybe you need a day to chill out together it'll make it better."

"Yeah. Yeah you're right." He couldn't have been more wrong.

 

Simon tried to keep his temper throughout the day, he tried to be overtly happy but by the time they went home he was completely exhausted and miserable. And Josh could tell. He faked a migraine to get Freya to go home, and when all the others had gone to bed he returned to Simon's room.

"Go away, Josh." He said tiredly when he walked in.

"No."

"I'm not arguing, I'm not fighting, and I'm definitely not doing anything with you tonight - just let me sleep."

"Since when do you sleep at 11pm?" Josh's tummy clenched uncomfortably when Simon remained silent, back to him. He sat on the edge of his bed.

"I'm sorry."

"Just leave me alone."

"Simon..."

"I said leave me alone." Josh conceded after ten minutes of silence and left the room sadly. 

If there was any coming back from this...Josh didn't know.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Simon didn't get out of his bed. Each of his friends tried to talk to him but he said he felt nauseous and they begrudgingly left him alone.

"What the fuck did you do?" JJ asked Josh when it was 7pm and Simon still hadn't moved, bar to use the bathroom and get a glass of water.

"Nothing!"

"Bullshit - you two argued, then he's been all weird and depressed or something. You made this mess - now you sort it out - cause we can't do anything and it's bringing us down too!"

"Alright! I'm sorry!" JJ nodded, somewhat angrily and grabbed his coat.

"Us lot and Harry and Ethan are going for dinner - give you some space." Josh nodded sadly and waved them off before heading to Simon's bedroom.

"Go with them." Simon mumbled at him.

"No. I'd rather be with you." Nothing.

"Simon.....talk to me." 

"And say what? Why can't I get any fucking peace and quiet in this house-" He shoved Josh back violently when he kissed him.

"You stay away from me."

"Simon I'm sorry-"

"Ever since Saturday it's all gone wrong..."

"Don't say that." Simon turned over slightly to look at him.

"Don't say it's gone wrong - I've never felt like that with anyone. And you're my best friend. Way I see it? It's difficult, yeah, weird? Sure. Confusing? Definitely. But it's pretty amazing, too. Saturday was the best night of my life - I just wish I'd been sober." Simon was touched deeply by his friends words but couldn't express it beyond an action. So he pulled his wrist gently, gesturing for him to lie down. Josh smiled and nestled under the duvet with the other man. 

"Thank you..." Simon smiled to himself as Josh tentatively slid a hand round to rest on his chest, snuggling up to him gently.

Tobi looked into Josh's room when they returned, and when he realised he wasn't inside he checked Simon's. The sight of the two of them curled up together, asleep, brought a smile to his face.  
"About time..."

The next morning, Josh woke up with Simon's head nuzzled into his chest. He didn't move from where he was, despite the fact that he needed a wee desperately. He was too comfortable and warm, entangled with his friend.

Simon woke up slowly, feeling deliciously cosy and comfortable wherever he was. He breathed in and immediately recognised Josh's comforting smell. He opened his eyes and realised he was tucked into his chest. He hoped he was still asleep, he still had his arms wrapped around him. He thought, sadly, if he was awake he would've moved by now. He glanced up and was surprised to see Josh already looking down at him, smiling gently.

"You're cute when you're sleepy." Simon nuzzled his face back into Josh's chest to hide his smile.

"Shut up.." Josh held him tighter. He didn't want to let him go. His bladder, however, had other ideas.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"Like a half hour- I didn't wanna wake you I thought you could do with the sleep." Simon smiled shyly and nodded.

"Right...I need to pee." He admitted begrudgingly, Simon pulled a face and he nodded.

"I don't wanna go either - give me two secs, don't move - I'll be right back." Simon laughed at him running out of the room, and then realised he'd hogged most of the bed and Josh had slept on the edge without complaining all night. He shuffled back onto the cold patch to give him more room.

"Sorry I didn't realise I hogged the bed - next time just shove me over a bit." Josh laughed and climbed back under the covers, secretly glowing at Simon's assurance there would be a 'next time.'

"I was comfy anyway, I had you there." Simon leaned up and kissed him chastely, surprised when Josh pulled him on top.

"Don't do this to me again...I'm terrible at saying no...."

"So don't say no." Josh shot him that cheeky grin and started kissing his neck again.

"Oi what are you two- heeyyyyy......" Simon shot off of Josh's body and nearly fell off the bed.

"I-uh-hey Tobi...what's up..." He looked confused when Tobi and Josh burst out laughing.

"What?!"

"Sorry man....your face!!! It's cool man, I know. Like- I KNOW. About you two." 

"What- how?" 

"I kinda told Tobi a while back I thought I was starting to get a thing for you." Simon looked at Josh incredulously and then back at Tobi who was now sitting in his chair.

"Really?"

"Yes, I know. So it's cool you don't have to pretend in front of me. Although I gotta say those guys aren't gonna care - y'know? I was gonna ask if you two wanted to come to Arsenal V Chelsea tonight? JJ got given tickets."

"Awh sick! Yeah I'm up for that - are you?"

"Yeah sounds great!"

"Alright cool - I'm gonna go tell them - they're all awake by the way so you might wanna hold back on the sexy stuff for a while?" Simon threw a pillow at him and he left, laughing to himself.

"You really freaked out." Josh noted quietly, gently fiddling with the hair on the back of Simon's head. He met him eyes, and hated the sadness there.

"It's not this- or you- or...it's just...we're not...you know...well I don't really know what we are anymore. And I don't think I'm gay I think it's just you I..I like - but I don't even know that anymore. So it feels...weird for people to know. Because it's not like I can say "yes I'm gay- yes we're dating now," or whatever." Josh nodded.

"Would you prefer it if we were?" Simon's skin gradually flushed a wonderful shade of pink under Josh's gaze.

"No that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that would be easier to explain than-"

"Fuck buddies."

"Exactly." Josh sighed and started kissing his neck again.

"Stop it."

"Why?"

"Because you're making me horny and you heard what Tobi said they're probably gonna be walking in soon!"

"They're not gonna all come in here for some kind of weird team meeting, Si. Relax..." He sighed as Josh felt up inside his t-shirt, tracing his skin in a way that had his nerves all reacting.

"Hang on." Josh sighed as Simon suddenly jumped out of bed and turned his tv on. He chuckled when he got an episode of Derek up and playing, he also enjoyed the view of his ass just out of reach. When he crawled back into bed he also noticed he was already sporting a semi under his boxers.

"Is it always this easy to make you horny?"

"Shut up." Simon growled slightly and kissed him hard, taking his breath away. He felt him through his boxers, he was hard too.

"Guess it is that easy for me." Simon breathed wickedly into his mouth and Josh moaned quietly as he teased him through his underwear, lightly, barely touching him.

"Touch me." Simon had to settle for letting his breath out shakily instead of moaning at Josh's words. He slipped his hand inside his boxers and felt the hard, smooth flesh inside. Josh sighed and kissed him again, moving one hand inside his underwear and the other found the curve of his ass. Simon froze slightly when he slipped his hand between his cheeks and rubbed him teasingly, pressing against his entrance lightly through the material of his pants.

"Is that weird for you?" Simon met his eyes and pressed back further into his hand, rocking himself so he alternated between the pressure on his ass and the friction on his cock which was now achingly hard.

"Yeah...but...."

"Feel good?" Simon swallowed a moan and nodded, trying to concentrate more on Josh.

"Sit on my lap." Simon closed his eyes at the words and Josh's light kisses on his lips. Excitement tore through his body and made his heart pound but he was worried at the same time.

"Someone might walk in."

"You'll be facing the tv - if the door starts to move then you can just slide off me and it'll just look like we're watching Derek." Simon nodded, unable to believe what he was doing when he kissed him one last time before pushing Josh back against the headboard and then turning round, slowly lowering his ass to his crotch. 

Josh had to use every ounce of his willpower to restrain himself as Simon backed up onto his cock. His back arched beautifully, giving Josh the perfect view of his ass as he finally made contact with his crotch, grinding down on it slowly. The contact had them both shuddering in pleasure and Josh couldn't stop himself from grabbing his lean hips and pushing himself upwards to meet him. Simon gasped and leant back, moving one arm round the back of Josh's head. They moved quicker, as quickly as the bed would allow before it made any noise.

"Does that feel good?" Simon swallowed and nodded, tried desperately hard not to moan loudly at Josh's breathy words on his neck.

"Yeah..."

"Take your pants off." Simon slowed down and looked at him in shock, still shaking with excitement.

"I've seen you naked before- take them off." Simon, still grinding his hips, slowly peeled off his t-shirt before standing up, hovering right over Josh, to take off his pants. Josh couldn't help but touch himself as Simon put on a cheeky show for him, pulling down his pants torturously slowly. His cock sprung free and he turned round so Josh could clearly see his ass being exposed before he pulled them off and hid them under the covers in case he had to pull them back on suddenly.

"God I wanna have you so bad..." Simon felt strange being the only one naked, but also oddly excited to be so exposed as Josh explored his body with his hands and then tried to follow with his mouth.

"Not now."

"I wanna taste you so bad.." Josh moaned in frustration against his collarbone.

"I know but I want you when we're not worrying about the others walking in." He turned round and continued to grind against his dick that was nearly at bursting point. Soon they were both panting quietly and Josh was shocked when Simon reached back and pulled his cock out of his underwear. When he rubbed it against the cleft of his ass, in between his cheeks, Josh had to use all his restraint not to come right there. He pushed Simon forward onto his hands and knees and thrusted his dick - now slippery with pre come - against Simon's ass. It was so illicit, so dirty it had them more aroused than anything they'd ever experienced before. The thought that if either of them pushed at the wrong angle they could end up putting the tip of Josh's cock in Simon's ass was dangerously exciting. When he sat back on his heels and asked Simon to sit on him he did as he was told, and was confused when Josh pushed his thighs closed. But when he slipped his cock up through them and against his own that was standing to attention, he had to bite his fist to keep quiet. They slipped against one another desperately, panting as quietly as they could, holding onto another to ground themselves.  
"I'm gonna cum." Josh managed to huff out quietly. Simon stayed exactly where he was and kept moving until Josh tensed up, his grip on his hips got tighter and he came. Simon looked down at the liquid covering his own erection and his thighs. Josh shuddered and panted into his shoulder blades. He slowly slid out from underneath Simon and moved round to finish him with his mouth but he stopped him again.

"Why not?" He whispered.

"Save it. Just do what you did last time, please.." Josh kissed him hard and began to bring him off with his hand. It only took a few strokes and Simon came into his fist, moaning and panting into his mouth. When they parted, they were both hazy with lust and it took Simon a few moments to stand and wipe himself off and pull his clothes back on.

"God I need a shower..."

"Yeah sorry about that." Simon just gestured to Josh's hand.

"I think we're even." He winked and left with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? I hope you're enjoying this story, but if there's anything you think I can work on, or anything you'd like to see more of, any storylines you want - let me know! 
> 
> Thanks very much to Punkphil for your awesome feedback the other day! Much appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

The next four weeks, Josh and Simon wouldn't find any time alone together. The first week had been because everyone had been busy, they'd been to the IMAX, to a basketball game, Simon had gone to see his family. That and making videos had meant he didn't have any spare time.

The second week was when it all went really wrong.

They were all having dinner together in the house - including Harry, Ethan, Manny, and Freya. Simon had gone to answer a phone call and when he was finished, Josh was waiting for him.  
"I've missed you." He admitted quietly.

"You too." They met in the middle of the distance between them and hugged one another tightly.

"Next week will be better." Josh mumbled into the short blonde hair.

"Yeah." He sighed happily at the thought.

"We better go back." Josh rolled his eyes and nodded, hanging onto Simon's hand until they walked into the dining room.

"There you are! Listen...I thought I'd save it until tonight - I've got a surprise for you!" Simon was instantly wary of Freya's cheerful words.

"Oh, really? What?" 

"Well...I was just telling the guys - seeing as it's your birthday in a few weeks...." Simon met Tobi's eyes and gritted his teeth at the sad expression in them. He knew this wasn't going to be good.

"I booked us two weeks away in America!!!" The whole room was silent, waiting for Josh to respond. Simon looked at his face turn from shock to fake excitement.

"I- uh- wow- my god, wow I don't even know what to say that's incredible! Thank you so much!" She laughed happily and hugged him tightly. As Josh met Simon's eyes over her shoulder, he could feel the sadness and anger pouring out of him and he wished he could stand up right there, and announce he had feelings for him. When Simon looked away, it was the most powerful thing he could do, and it made Josh feel sick to his stomach.

Tobi watched Simon's soul drop like lead when Freya announced the news and he was proud of him, and heartbroken, for still pretending to be happy for them. In fact he kept it up all night until Josh suggested they go to her place. He said it was to be alone, of course, what it really meant was so he could get her away from Simon so he wouldn't have to feel so guilty.

Josh thought he was getting Freya out of the house for Simon's sake, not his own. But of course neither Simon nor Tobi knew that.

"Hey man...wanna play?" Tobi asked late that night, unable to sleep and knowing Simon wouldn't either.

"Yeah, sure."

Tobi nudged against Simon after they'd sat, setting up the game for a while.

"I'm fine, Tobi."

"Really?" Simon sighed.

"It's just shit isn't it..." He was weary, which Tobi thought was worse than angry. 

"I'm so mad at this...whole...situation for you, man."

"Well they've been together over four years - and he's wanted to go to on a long trip around America since...forever. I guess it was always gonna happen at some point."

"It should be the two of you going." Simon closed his eyes against his feelings and when he opened them, Tobi hugged round his shoulders gently.

"Thanks."

"It's cool....now I thought it was just sex at first...but...do you love him?" Tears slowly started to descend down Simon's face as he nodded and sobbed out his answer.

"...yeah....I think I do." The two friends hugged one another tightly, both wishing Josh was there and the situation was different.

Tobi ended up sleeping in Simon's bed that night, they fell asleep somewhere around 6am playing Xbox. So when Josh came back to pack for the holiday, he had to wake up Tobi so he could talk to Simon.

"Get outside, now." Tobi pushed Josh back out of the blonde's room.

"What?"

"You leave him alone, he's had a shit night without you waking him up and just upsetting him more - got it?"

"Tobi I didn't-"

"Shut up, Josh! Just shut up, alright? I know what you're gonna say, you're gonna say you didn't know Freya had it planned, you didn't know it was gonna happen, blah blah blah...point is - you should've broken up with Freya the minute you fell for Simon. And if not then - you really should've done it when you two started hooking up. Cause now you're cheating on both of them. And I know you care about both of them - and neither of them deserve this." Josh had started crying silently and he nodded.

"I know....I just...wanted to say goodbye..."

"What you're breaking up with him?"

"No, god no....I need to break it off with Freya but I can't exactly do it now after she's made this massive gesture! I don't know what to do. Either way I'm a bad guy. When all I did was realise I love Simon." 

"I know it's difficult - so just don't make it worse." Josh nodded and apologised for waking him. Tobi went to his room groggily.

Josh peeked around the door for a last look at Simon's sleepy face before leaving.

When Simon woke up that day it was late, 4pm.  
"Shit- why did no one wake me?" Simon grumbled as he walked into the kitchen, Ethan and Harry were there.

"Tobi said you had a rough night." Simon nodded and fetched water, feeling horribly disorientated after being asleep all day.

Simon threw himself into his video making over the next few days. He didn't want to let the issues with Josh defeat him. Tobi watched on the whole time, slightly concerned, but definitely impressed with his fighting spirit and so took him to a football match at the weekend. In the second week, Simon made more of an effort to spend time with his other friends - helping them with their videos, going out, and rediscovering the things he used to enjoy before he got so busy, and things with Josh became so messy.

Simon settled in his bed late one night and his mind turned to Josh. He realised he hadn't engaged in any sexual activity since the last time with him. He stripped down and started stroking himself lazily, but all he could think about to turn himself on was Josh. The things he'd done with him- the things he hoped to do in the future. He battled with his brain for half an hour before giving up, completely frustrated.

When Josh and Freya returned from America, Vik went to pick them up from the airport. Simon was oddly nervous. He was trying to act cold and reserved - he didn't want Josh knowing he was happy to see him and that, despite seeming bright and cheerful with the other guys, he had missed him so much it had actually started to depress him. However he was too nervous to act like he didn't care, so he relegated himself to his bedroom to think without prying eyes.

He heard the front door close when they returned. There was a lot of noise and commotion as the other guys all greeted him. Simon put his headphones on but without music so he could still hear. Soon he heard footsteps running up the stairs and he suddenly panicked at the thought it might've been Josh, fidgeting and looking for a way out before Harry burst in.

"Josh is home!!" Simon pulled off his headphones, pretending he hadn't heard.

"Josh is home!"

"Oh- cool..." Simon begrudgingly got up and followed an excited Harry down the stairs.

Simon looked at Tobi on his way through. He felt nauseous. When Josh came into his line of sight and their eyes met, he felt such an overwhelming mix of emotions he had to actively stop himself from crying from the stress of the situation.

"Simon."

"...good to have you back, man." Simon begrudgingly reached out for a hug and pulled away quickly, not prepared to have him in such close proximity when he was so emotionally wrung out. He stood back and the others crowded back in, allowing him some separation at last. But he couldn't escape Josh's eyes.

Josh had looked forward to seeing Simon all holiday. From the minute they left.

Him and Freya had argued when they'd been about to have sex and she'd seen the scratch marks on his neck and back and assumed they came from a lover - which they had - but it definitely wasn't a woman. They'd argued about that for four days until she'd finally accepted his excuse.

On the way back he was restless, he was desperate to see Simon, hug him, kiss him, feel him, smell him. He couldn't wait.

So when he arrived and Simon was the only one not waiting for him, his heart sank. And it got progressively worse when he pretended to be happy to see him. He was paler than usual, he looked tired, and when they hugged, he felt his heart racing but then he pulled back and it faded.

The rest of the night the others kept him supplied with drinks and conversation about what he'd done in America, and what had been happening while he was away. Simon snuck away, and Josh was the only one who noticed.

Josh excused himself, claiming jet lag and showered before sneaking into Simon's room.  
"Hi." He felt oddly emotional standing there looking at him. He was so incredibly happy to see him...but so incredibly sad simultaneously, because he could see how much he was hurting him.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't stay I-"

"Don't apologise to me. I'm sorry." Simon sat up as he perched on the edge of his bed.

"You couldn't exactly say no, could you. You've always wanted to go....was it as good as you thought?"

"The places were amazing. But all I could think about the whole time was how I let you down, how I would've rather been there or here with you." Simon shook his head and stood up.

"I don't wanna have this conversation now."

"Simo-"

"Please!" His voice was uneven and although Josh couldn't see his face as he had his back turned, he could tell he was getting upset. He stood up and reached for Simon's tense shoulders. He kissed the bare skin between his neck and shoulder and hugged him tightly. Simon's whole body trembled and he wept quietly. It made Josh cry too, seeing how much he'd hurt him and he spun him round and kissed him gently.

"I am...so sorry...I hurt you." Simon nodded, too tired to stay strong and he broke, and hugged him properly. They stayed like that for a long time until Simon had calmed down and stopped crying.

They lied down together on his bed and they were both so happy to be cuddled up together again.  
"And honestly...I really liked the places we saw, but we barely made a dent - you don't realise how huge it is until you're there. We need to go there one day. And to Canada." Simon nodded against his chest.

"And to Italy. And India. And Thailand." Josh chuckled.

"We'll do all of it." Simon smiled weakly.

"I missed you."

"I missed you more."

They fell asleep soon after that, both exhausted.


	5. Chapter 5

"I don't wanna get up..." Simon admitted the next day. Josh was exhausted from the jet lag, and Simon just wanted to stay where they were.

"Do you have to?"

"No. The guys'll probably wonder what you're doing in my bed though."

"We end up crashing together all the time, it doesn't matter. Anyway did you see how much booze they had last night? They're probably all hungover." Simon nodded happily and snuggled into his chest further, making Josh laugh.

"It's like you're trying to climb inside me."

"Maybe I am - it'd be nice and cosy." Josh laughed and kissed his head sweetly.

"God I missed this."

"Me too."

"I'm gonna make it up to you, you know."

"I hope so. Omg are you gonna release Illuminate?" Josh slapped his head gently and they both laughed.

"No. I was thinking something slightly more romantic than that."

"Good. It's gonna take a lot."

"I know. And I'm not worried - I can do it." Simon smiled at the conviction in his voice.

"I believe you."

Tobi wasn't happy when Simon and Josh emerged together, all happy and loved-up again.  
"So I take it you two are cool again?" They both nodded happily, it make Tobi chuckle bitterly.

"Right so you sod off to America - Simon's left here depressed for two weeks and then you come back, sweet talk him and you - you just forgive him?"

"No I haven't actually. But I'm not gonna make myself more miserable by not talking to him."

"I know I screwed up and how bad I hurt him- I'm making it up to him."

"Good. Make it up to him - fall for each other even more. Then what's next? When you and Freya move in together? Get engaged? Married?" Simon's stomach clenched and Josh felt him tense up.

"That's not....I...it's not gonna happen."

"See you're not even sure. How can you two keep getting closer while you and Freya get closer every day to those things?" Simon made himself tea, Josh looked down in shame.

"I just haven't...figured it out yet."

"So in the mean time both Simon and Freya are meant to be kept in the lurch? You're one of my best mates Josh and I love you - but you're out of order." With that he left the room angrily and the two of them were left there, reality check over, knowing that their friend was absolutely right.

Josh moved forwards and placed his hands on Simon's tense shoulders, but he shrugged him off to fetch the milk for his tea.  
"Si-"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Simon was shocked when he just left and went to his room without another word. Then he got angry and decided that Josh could do whatever he wanted. He didn't care. Except he did. A lot.

Twenty minutes later, Josh left the house.

Simon got a call from his parents saying they wanted to take him away on a family holiday with him and his sister the next week. The timing honestly couldn't have been better.

Josh texted Simon after he'd made the hour-and-a-half-long car journey to Southend-On-Sea. He'd sat on the promenade and brooded for a long time before coming to the conclusion he was a selfish, mean person and texting Simon a long, loving apology.

Simon nearly cried at Josh's sweet text. Then the one after it, and the one after that. But he couldn't reply because he knew Tobi was right. He'd already fallen hard for his best friend, and he couldn't take the pain of him and Freya getting any more serious than they already were.  
"Hey...you ok?" Tobi walked into his room quietly.

"Yeah, yeah come in. Wanna play?" He gestured to the Xbox.

"Yeah." 

"I'm sorry if I upset you- I mean I know I upset you..."

"No...I'm glad you did. If they got engaged I think I'd....give up."

"Don't say that."

"I couldn't handle it, Tobi."

"Do you love him?"

"....I...." Emotion welled up inside him and he flickered from the forgotten video game to Tobi's concerned eyes.  
"...yeah- I think I do- I love him-!" He couldn't help the splutter and tears that followed and Tobi hugged him tightly.

"It'll be ok. I promise. You two will sort this out - he cares about you more than Freya. I know he does. It's just getting him to come clean." Simon nodded and pulled away slowly.

"I don't know how to do that though.."

"....hm.....actually..." It was like a light bulb turned on inside Tobi's head as he grinned at Simon.  
"...I think I know just the thing."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey- woah- is this some kind of intervention?" Josh asked as he walked into the house and all of the guys were sat there in silence. JJ looked shell-shocked, Harry looked nervous, Tobi looked smug and Simon just met his eyes blankly.

"Hey Josh- think you'd better sit down." He searched the blonde's eyes - suddenly worried. Had he told them?

* 4 hours earlier... *

"Are you serious? I can't tell them I'm gay!"

"Why not? Are you?"

"Well...yeah...yeah, alright. No arguments there."

"Awh congrats man you figured it out- but yeah, come out. That'll make him sweat." 

"I don't know..Tobi...that's kind of...like, I mean it's soon." 

"I know- and if you're not ready, wait. You come out when you're ready to. But if you know you're gay and you're just counting the days down till you have the balls to say it - then just get it over with. It'll only get harder over time - no puns intended." He said cheerfully, Simon laughed genuinely for the first time in what felt like years.

"Ok...ok I think I can do that. You help me get everyone here?"

"On it like a car bonnet." Simon swatted his leg as he stood to call the others while he told JJ.

* 1 hour later... *

"You're making me nervous, man. Are you about to pull a huge prank or something?"

"No. I just needed to tell you something." Simon was shaking with nerves at the awful prospect his friends could have a problem with this. None of them were homophobic - but it's different when one of your best friends comes out than someone you don't know, right? Simon's tongue felt strangely heavy and alien in his dry mouth.

"Oh my god- are you pregnant?" JJ guessed theatrically, making everyone laugh loudly. It took Simon a while to make himself heard.

"No- no. I wanted to tell-"

"In all seriousness though, like- you are okay aren't you? I mean you're not sick or in trouble or anything?"

"No-" He was getting quieter the more they interrupted, losing the nerve.

"Thank god for that you had me-"

"CAN YOU LET THE MAN TALK!" Tobi shouted - surprising everyone, including himself.

"Thank you Tobi. Right- I got you all here today because...as you've noticed I've been a bit up and down recently. And...well...it's because I've been going through a bit of a rough time...personally. Um....I guess there's no subtle way of saying it-"

"Just get it out, Si." Ethan encouraged gently.

"I'm- gay. I-I'm gay." All eyes flicked up to his and Simon shifted uncomfortably as silence fell heavy in the room.

* Now *

Josh sat down, suddenly feeling nauseous and panicked as his heart hammered unevenly in his chest.  
"I was just telling these-"

"You're gay?! Since when?" Cal exclaimed in surprise, letting it out the bag to Josh before Simon had chance.

"Well...I only just realised it...but since forever I guess."

"But you've had girlfriends." Harry commented quietly.

"As have most gay men." Tobi pointed out, supporting him.

"You're really gay?" JJ asked uncharacteristically quietly. Simon nodded.

"And that's why you've been so...SO depressed recently?" Simon nodded again sadly.

"Well...well then..." Simon's chest was tight with anxiety as JJ walked closer to him.

"Thank FUCK you figured it out and told us so you can start being happy again!! You were starting to piss me off, man!" Simon was shocked, elated and relieved when JJ yanked him onto his feet for a hug that all the others joined in on.

"You're alright mate-"

"Well done Si-"

"Love you bro-"

"Thanks for telling us man." Simon was thrilled at their happy reaction, beyond thrilled in fact. He'd thought that all the weight on his shoulders was down to Josh. It wasn't. While that still hurt, a great burden had been lifted now they all knew.

"Do your parents know?" Vik asked as they all sat down again, Simon looked at Josh as he spoke. He did not look happy.

"I'm telling them next week - they're taking me and Jess on holiday."

"Oh nice one, where are- Josh, you ok? You haven't really said much. That was big news Simon just told us." Everyone turned to Josh as Vik disapprovingly called him out on his silence.

"Yeah I know." Josh said, strangely intense. He walked over to Simon and bent down - for a moment he thought he was going to kiss him, tell everyone that way that they had a thing. Instead he hugged him tightly.

"Glad you're out, man." Disappointment hit him like a shovel to the head and he could only wriggle out of the hug quickly.

"Thanks. Are any of you surprised?"

"I was." JJ put his hand up.

"Yeah me too." Cal agreed.

"I wasn't." Ethan and Harry said in unison and ran off when Simon tried to hit them.

"I dunno- like I'm not surprised, thinking about it - but I wasn't expecting it." Vik agreed."

"Well I knew already, so I'm not." They all gaped at Tobi.

"What?! You told Tobi before us?"

"You told Tobi before Josh? Oooh, mate...burn..."

"I knew as well." Josh admitted.

"What, so you told them but not us?!"

"Well Tobi caught me with this guy- so I kinda had to tell him. I think Josh knew before I even told him." They all cracked up at his "admission." Josh looked at him in a way that looked angry and pleading simultaneously.

"What?! No way! Tobi what were they doin?" Ethan asked, still laughing.

"Uh....just making out. Nothing interesting." They all made disappointed noises.

"You're all perverts! What, would you rather him have seen me with his cock in my ass!"

"Oooh - now we all know you're a bitch." JJ teased loudly.

"Oooh fuck you." 

"Apparently you're not into that." Harry winked.

"Anyway! So yeah- that was my news. Can we do a video or something while we're all here?"

"Twister? Cards Against Humanity? Whispers? A challenge? Something else?"

"Something else - we've done all those." 

"How about we play spin the bottle? Simon you start." Everyone took turns at hitting Harry.

"You just wanna try it out don't you Harry - Simon, take one for the team, not literally. Although maybe you two will hit it off??" Everyone found Tobi's joke hilarious apart from Josh whose stomach knotted at the thought.

"What about we go play paintball and film it?"

"Cameras might get paint on."

"Okay...charades? Pictionary? Something else similar?"

"Pictionary would be funny - let's go!"

So they made a video of them all playing pictionary, which was absolutely hysterical - all the while Simon could feel Josh watching him.


	7. Chapter 7

Josh wanted to stay away from Simon that night, but he was too wound up not to confront him.

"What?" Simon sighed irritably when he walked in.

"Why did you tell everyone you're gay?"

"Because I am."

"Don't you think it's gonna make this...so much more difficult than it has to be?"

"No. And anyway it doesn't matter because we're over now so.."

"What?"

"There's no point Josh! You're never gonna have the balls to break up with Freya and I'm not gonna date or even fuck around with someone in a relationship. It's over."

"But...I need you." Simon closed his eyes and shook his head.

"No, you need to figure out who you are uninfluenced by anyone else."

"But you help me do that. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. What I feel for you....I thought I'd never be able to love anyone as much as I love Freya.....you...you make what I feel for her look like nothing." Simon's chest hurt with the sweet words. When Josh walked forwards and kissed him gently he was too weak to say no. He was the first one to start tugging at Josh's clothes. When Josh pushed his shoulders down to make him sit on the bed, Simon finally allowed him to undo his belt and his jeans, and pull his semi out of his underwear. Josh looked up at him before taking him into his mouth. Simon's hands fisted into the sheets at the intense, hot, wet pleasure surrounding him. Josh had never given anyone a blowjob before, but he'd received them so he knew exactly what not to do at any rate. He looked up at Simon - his heavy-lidded eyes were dark and his mouth opened in a quiet pant as he continued to suck on him lewdly. He was beautiful. 

Simon struggled to keep his noises in, the way Josh's tongue, lips and hand slipped around his cock was sheer bliss and he had to cover his mouth to attempt to control himself. 

Only a few minutes of skin slipping over skin and Simon was dangerously close.  
"J-Josh...stop...I'm...I'm gonna come.." He pulled off for a split second, met his eyes darkly and murmured:

"Do it." He pushed his head back down and Simon gasped as he sucked him to completion. He only just managed to watch as Josh swallowed around him, every last drop of his cum consumed. He sucked him for a few seconds longer before pulling off and licking his lips. Simon gasped and slowly recovered, pulling Josh up for a kiss and not caring about his taste in the other man's mouth.

"Come here." He moved to flip them around but Josh gestured to his own cock which was hard.

"I know-" He knew he was hard, that's why he wanted to switch their positions.

"No-" Then Simon saw the bedsheets that were splattered with semen.

"That was hot. I couldn't keep it in." Simon kissed him hard.

"You liked giving me a blowjob? How gay are you!" He winked, Josh chuckled.

"I'm very gay for you. Seriously though I liked that. You're fucking hot when you're getting a blowjob." Feelings stirred in his lower belly.

"When you're good we're going again. And it's your turn. So why do women always say it's horrible?"

"Well I think they're lying. It's hot as fuck. But maybe that's just me." A few minutes of talking in hushed tones about the most explicit things, an excited and hard Simon climbed on top of Josh and slowly went down on him. 

His own member sat heavy between his legs as he tentatively opened his mouth and slipped his moistened lips over the head of the erect cock in front of him. Josh's content sigh made heat run through him as he acknowledged what a lewd thing he was doing. He opened his lips wider and let Josh's eager cock into his mouth, sliding up over his tongue. He could feel his gag reflex starting to react so he pulled back up, bobbing his head quicker. Josh's hands shook slightly where they rested gently in his hair and his own erection started to throb as while he moaned as quietly as he could, the sounds still reverberated in Simon's ears deliciously.

Simon touched himself with one hand and the other moved around the base of Josh's dick as he sucked closer to the head. 

"Fuck- I'm close, Si..." Simon continued with his erotic task feverishly until Josh spasmed and came into his mouth. It was an odd sensation, and slightly overwhelming as Simon tried to swallow all of it without choking. Thankfully because they'd just orgasmed there wasn't a lot left.

Josh watched through heavy eyelids as Simon swallowed him up. He pulled him up and kissed him roughly, feeling the blonde's erection hot against his thigh. He slipped his hands round the back of Simon's ass and pulled him down against his leg. Simon moaned quietly against his neck as they continued to rut against one another until Simon reached his orgasm, making beautiful noises into Josh's ear as he tried to keep quiet.

They lied where they were for a minute, catching their breaths, then Simon shakily gestured that they shower. Josh followed him eagerly to the bathroom, checking the whole time that there was no one around to see them. They managed to travel from the room to the bathroom and back unnoticed.

"So what did you think?"

"Nicer than I thought actually." They both laughed and washed one another down.

"I'm gonna end it with her...I cant keep doing this to you." He hugged him tightly.

"Thank you.."


	8. Chapter 8

"So we got the official confirmation about Summer In The City this year - that's happening in a couple of months." The fairly new yet familiar cloud of excitement, and slight dread, settled on each of the sidemen and Cal at JJ's announcement.

"I'm bored - are any of you bored?" JJ asked somewhat agitatedly after several minutes of silence as they all sat on their phones. 

"Right now, or generally?" Tobi asked him, sounding just as bored as him.

"Both! I feel like...I dunno. I'm just bored - any of you getting this?"

"Feeling like you're in a rut." Vik articulated his feelings for him and a general murmur of agreement rumbled around the room.

"For fuck's sake we're all young, and hot - besides Cal-"

"Hey what about Ethan? What about you?!" They all chuckled at the blonde's defensive outburst.

"- and we're all rich! Let's go out and do something. Let's go out tonight. It's Friday, it'll be banging." None of them had much motivation to do any such thing, but after a pep talk from JJ and Tobi, they were all ready to party. 

Josh walked into Simon's room later on and watched him get dressed.

"You look great tonight." 

"Thanks, likewise." Simon smiled cheekily. Josh perched on his desk and stared blatantly as Simon buttoned his shirt slowly.

"Anyone ever teach you it's rude to stare?"

"Yeah, but I can't help it when you look like that." Simon laughed quietly at him.

"Seriously though - you're fucking gorgeous." Simon kissed him quickly, but they both had to leave as Ethan started shouting for everyone to hurry up.

The clubs were intense - busy, music pounding, dark flashy lighting, stifling hot atmosphere, it was clearly not going to be an easy-going party night. 

Josh and Simon shared glances over the course of the whole night that became increasingly heated across the bars and their group of friends. Whenever they weren't looking at each other, they could feel the other staring at them anyway.

JJ flirted and danced shamelessly with most of the women in the clubs they went to. Harry had disappeared somewhere. Ethan, Manny and Cal were with four women at a table in the far corner. Which left Simon, Josh and Tobi sat at their table in awkward silence. Tobi could sense the tension between the two men and excused himself to be the fourth lady's partner at the table his brother was at. 

"Thank god- meet me out the back." Simon stared incredulously at Josh as he quickly headed for the loos. He followed him probably too soon after, but the club was so rammed no one noticed.

"Oi- Josh!" He hissed.

"Last one." He headed to the final cubicle and was pulled inside by Josh who shoved him up against the wall, looked at him for a split second then kissed him hard. Simon gasped as quietly as he could as they kissed heatedly. Josh thrust his leg in between Simon's, creating a friction on both their crotches that couldn't be ignored given how desperate for each other they suddenly felt. 

"I don't have anything- do you?" He gasped between kisses, Josh froze slowly and shook his head.

"I've never...y'know, without one before. Have you?"

"I've barely had sex let alone bareback. So I know I'm ok- we know you're ok too...it wouldn't make a difference, would it?" They kissed a couple of times, slower.

"Nah- let's do it." With their resolve out there, they returned to kissing with abandon and Simon was soon tugging at Josh's belt- but the brunette stopped him and, after a moment of stillness and a deep breath, pulled back gently.

"What?"

"Is it..sappy...to not want to do it like this?"

"Like what?" Josh gestured to their slightly grim surroundings.

"We've done it before-"

"Not without protection." Simon smiled gently at him.

"So you care about me then."

"Of course I care about you- I'm crazy about you...I...I'm falling in love with you, Simon. I think I already have." Simon blinked in shock and then they just sort of slid together in a tight hug, both unsure of who initiated it. Josh kissed Simon's neck chastely and breathed him in as he held him.

"I love you too." Josh's stomach clenched with emotion at the words, and he felt this rush that only came from having someone you really love say it back.

"Shall we go home?"

"What will we tell the others?"

"That we're not feeling it tonight or something- it doesn't matter. I just want to be with you in one of our beds, doing this the right way."

"Me too." They shared one final, lazy kiss before leaving.

Harry finally found the strength to move away from the toilet bowl. Someone must've spiked his drink, because he'd nearly passed out. He'd thrown up, now he felt better. But he'd been waiting for it to happen again when Simon and Josh came into the next cubicle. He was too confused to fully process what he'd just heard. They'd kissed, moaned, spoken about sex, confessed love - they were in a relationship? What about Josh's girlfriend? Harry couldn't think about the situation for long with his wits becoming more dull by the second. He rinsed his mouth out and pulled several breath mints from his pockets.

He was leaning on the sink, trying to think about what he'd just heard when the guy walked in whom he'd been talking to at the bar. Elijah.  
"Harry- are you ok? You rushed off-"

"I think...that creepy guy we were joking about slipped something in my drink...I feel all...all...fuzzy..." 

"Oh god, are you alright?" He rubbed his back gently, the touch was grounding and made his dizzy, confused head feel better.

"I'm sorry, we were having such a good conversation-"

"Hey, don't you apologise to me. It's been wonderful talking to you." Harry nodded, he tried a weak smile, but he was so confused and the damn drug was making him so groggy...

"Woah, hey...let me take you home?" He asked worriedly as Harry rocked dangerously on his unsteady feet. He shook his head in protest.

"I'm..I'm fine...im fine..."

"You can barely stand- let me help." Harry met his handsome green eyes. Kind, honest...beautiful. He nodded, and Elijah wasted no time in easing him through the club and catching a taxi. Harry lost consciousness somewhere along the journey.

 

Simon's blood raced as Josh scrabbled to unlock the front door and they nearly fell over as they pushed one another inside and kissed passionately. Simon pressed Josh into the door with his hips and breathed him in as he kissed his neck. His entire body was shaking with anticipation. He needed this, needed Josh. He loved the way his hands gripped round his waist tightly, his beard was rough, but not prickly against the skin everywhere he kissed- heightening the sensations further. They were undressed and in Josh's bed in minutes. He was about to climb on top when Josh flipped them over and reached into the drawer for lube. 

"Are you sure you don't want-"

"I just want you." The gaze they shared and the kiss after nearly made Simon well up. He'd felt strong affection for a couple of people in the past - but nothing like this. 

"I love you."

"I love you too." When Josh pushed inside him slowly, neither could speak. They could only clutch onto one another and hold each other to communicate how they were feeling, minds far too gone to articulate any words.

Simon cried out and Josh huffed into his neck as he thrusted inside harder. It was the most intense experience they'd had with one another, or anyone else. Josh had slowly built up the pace, but continued to fuck him harder and harder. They could be as loud as they wanted - they had plenty of time. Simon was so sensitive inside, and each time Josh pressed hard into his prostate he was unable to muffle his sounds. He just held onto his shoulders for dear life and tried to hold back his orgasm as long as possible. Josh set him down on the mattress and went to pull away when he saw his tears.  
"You ok?" He asked breathlessly, instantly concerned. Simon smiled slightly as he brushed his tears away with his thumbs.

"Yeah- they're not bad tears, just feels so good....'s fucking intense..."Josh smiled and kissed him again, starting to push inside again and continue their delicious torment.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry woke to a wonderful smell and softness against his cheek. He blinked his eyes open slowly and realised he was in an unfamiliar place. He sat up and took in the bright room. There was an unusual, geometric paper on the wall. Lots of orange and grey. Tasteful, modern with a retro twist. It looked like a designer had gone to town in it.

"Morning." He looked up to the doorway to see Elijah.

"Elijah...I...how..?"

"This is my apartment. You passed out in the taxi so I brought you here." He wandered in and sat on the edge of the bed.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine- I thought I'd feel worse to be honest...I...thank you for taking care of me. I'm sorry - I'm so embarrassed." Elijah laughed.

"Don't be daft - I'm just glad that creep didn't get his way." Harry nodded, looking down at his hands, suddenly emotional. Still so confused, nearly having been taken advantage of by a stranger, and in the bed of someone he'd only just met wasn't easy so early in the morning.

"Hey-" Elijah whispered softly, shuffling closer. Harry chewed his lip but it didn't stop the tears from falling. Elijah pulled him across his lap and hugged him tightly. Harry tried to pull away but he wasn't having any of it.

"I know how hard it is, Harry."

"I just....don't understand-" He gulped in air to try and suppress his tears.

"I know..." Harry gathered himself and shuffled off of Elijah's legs.

"Jesus...I'm a mess. You probably thought you'd just met a guy in a bar and might go on a date or something- and instead you get lumbered with an emotional, drugged up wreck." Elijah laughed and nodded.

"Something like that...but I don't mind. And anyway- I thought I'd met an extremely cute guy- not just any guy." Harry smiled shyly.

"Thank you for...everything." Elijah nodded and stood - Harry followed, noting that his shoes and jeans had been taken off.

"I swear I was a gentleman - just, I know there's nothing worse than waking up having slept in skinnies." Harry laughed.

"I trust you not to take advantage of me." He winked and Elijah grinned.

"Yep, although it was hard not to watch you sleep. You're rather cute." Harry flushed in spite of himself and followed him out into his open plan kitchen, dining and living space. He was utterly taken aback. The space was so unusual, and absolutely massive. The industrial, retro, geometric style was continuous throughout. But what was most incredible were the views. Floor-to-ceiling windows gave way to breathtaking views of the city.

"My god..."

"I'm lucky." Harry took the coffee that he offered him.

"It's amazing- your whole place is amazing. Are you a designer?"

"I studied architecture - I'm an interior designer now." Harry chuckled.

"Thought something along those lines." They drank their coffees and Harry realised when he showered and got dressed that he felt entirely comfortable. Something he hadn't felt for a long time. 

"Thanks again." Elijah nodded.

"Of course." Harry turned to leave. His heart pounded with nerves. But he turned back. Elijah looked at him, mildly confused, half amused. He took a breath and leant in, kissed him, just a touch. A gentle brush that sent shock through his veins. He stood back and Elijah nodded, understanding, not pushing.

"You've got my number - I hope I'll see you again." Harry smiled shyly and nodded, leaving properly the second time. The whole way back home he couldn't fight the grin from his face or the lightness from his heart that had been so heavy for so many months. 

When Simon woke, Josh wasn't there so he texted him.  
\- Hey, you know I'm going out for lunch with my family today? You left early? -  
\- I know, I'm sorry I had to leave so early...I'm making this right. I love you xx -

Simon bolted upright in bed and read the text. And again. And twice over. His heart was pounding so hard he wasn't sure to scream or cry. He settled for walking shakily to Tobi's room and waking him to show him the text.

"Mm...fuck offff...Simon...."

"Tobi seriously - wake the fuck up!" Tobi huffed angrily. And rolled over, looking at Simon in 

"Oh my god so he's gonna tell Freya?!" 

"I don't know, I asked but he hasn't replied. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm- I don't know!!" Tobi and he laughed in happiness. They were thrilled.

Josh felt nauseated as he knocked on his girlfriend's door. She opened it in a dress, with her makeup smeared around her eyes, hair a mess.  
"Someone had a good night?" She chuckled wearily and groaned.

"Went out with the girls- shouldn't have. Morning." She kissed him, he cringed inwardly at the alcohol that still lingered on her breath and the stale cigarette smoke that clung to her hair and clothes. Two of her friends smoked.

"I need to talk to you."

"Right now?" He unhooked her arms from around his neck.

"Right now. I'm sorry....in advance." She looked worried and stood aside to let him in.

"Ok what is it, Josh?"

"You know I love you, care about you...well...that's why I'm trying to do the right thing here but I know it's not good enough-"

"For gods sake Josh you're scaring me."

"I...I think I..no. Ok here's the thing. Ok- I've been...I mean I think I'm-"

"Josh!"

"In...love with Simon..." He said it unevenly, then sat there waiting for her to explode. Which she never did. Instead she sat there for about a minute with a confused frown on her face, then started to laugh.

"Right...right, that's hilarious - where's the camera? You didn't need to wake me up for this Josh for Christ's sake-"

"I am in love with Simon." She just kept laughing, he was starting to panic and get angry. Why wouldn't she listen? He stood up and grabbed hold of her shoulders as she started to walk away.

"I've been sleeping with him. I'd tell you I'm gay but I'm not because I'm still attracted to you. All I know is that I'm in love with him. I'm breaking up with you, Freya. I'm in love with a man. I've been having sex, with a man." Wether there was something in his voice, his eyes, Josh didn't know. But she froze as it slowly dawned on her that he was telling the truth.

"You- no...this is some kind of home isn't it - seriously where are the cameras this isn't funny-"

"Freya I am telling you the truth."

"Stop it you're freaking me out-"

"FREYA!" She started to cry.

"Oh god don't cry- please don't cry. Be angry with me, something-" He hugged her tightly and cursed the day he'd slept with Simon behind her back rather than just telling her how he felt then.

"How long?"

"A couple of months."

"Months?" She gasped, stepping away from him, rubbing her eyes which did nothing to help her already smudged makeup.

"Freya, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be, don't be. What's the point I mean, you obviously don't care about me or else you wouldn't have fucked him behind my back-"

"It wasn't like that! I couldn't deal with the fact I had feelings for him and I didn't know if it made me gay or bi or what- I didn't know what was happening-"

"Don't use your sexuality as an excuse, Josh." She was livid now. Her voice was hard and cold, the tears had stopped. This was what he'd been waiting for.  
"Bottom line is you've been cheating on me for months. Wether that's with a man or a woman, it makes no difference - you're still a piece of shit for doing it."

"I know and-"

"Get out."

"Freya-"

"GET OUT!" She screamed and shoved him out the door. He tried to talk to her through the door but she ignored him until he left. He didn't realise he was crying until he was in his car again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the slow update! This one's for Ewella and Reckless.gzz for their awesome messages and comments!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! :D

Simon waited for the next hour to hear from Josh. And the hour after that. He started to lose hope, but he sat on the front step and waited for him to show. When his car eventually turned up, he stood and waited anxiously for him to get out and explain what had happened. Simon began to lose hope as he stayed in there. Maybe he couldn't face him because he hadn't had the guts to do it?

Josh eventually got out of the car. He looked like death. He'd clearly been crying. Simon rushed out towards him, forgetting it was raining and his lack of a coat and shoes.  
"What happened?"

"I did it." Simon blinked in shock.

"Did- did what?"

"I broke up with her- told her everything." Simon nodded, trying not to get upset. Josh ducked down slightly to try and meet his eyes.

"Why do you look so worried? Tell me I did the right thing here-" Simon burst into tears and grabbed onto Josh who laughed and held him tightly. They stayed like that for a long time.

"Thank you, thank you thank you-" Simon kissed him a few times.

"Thank you." He hugged him again. It felt so utterly right, standing there with Josh's arms wrapped around him. Knowing they weren't doing anything behind his girlfriend's back. Knowing they weren't living a lie.

"Well I'm glad it's out there."

"Are you ok, though?"

"Yeah...its just horrible isn't it. Breakups suck no matter which end of it you're on. I just didn't want to hurt her. But..I couldn't not, at the same time." Simon nodded, rubbing his arms comfortingly.

"I love you, Simon."

"And I love you." Josh picked him up and carried him indoors, making them both laugh. They'd been so carried away they'd forgotten about their housemates.

"I'm so happy..."

"I'm glad I've made you happy. I hated what I was doing to you. After last night....I couldn't carry on. I felt like...it sounds stupid but..I felt like last night was the final...step, in a way. I felt like we...gave ourselves to each other. I couldn't carry on as if nothing had changed." Simon nodded and smiled tearfully and kissed him.

"Yo- what's...what?" JJ asked, confused and amused at the same time. They jumped apart and Simon started stuttering for excuses but Josh just pulled him close to him.

"I'm the guy Tobi caught him with."

"What- you, OHHH.....that...makes so much sense." JJ laughed.

"Why all the tears? What about Freya?"

"That's why the tears - I just broke up with her." JJ sat down, needing to know the rest of the story now.

"Really? What so, you two are like-"

"I love him, I think the feeling's mutual?" He asked, looking up at Simon from the chair he'd sat in. Simon nodded and sat on the arm of it to kiss him gently.

"Holy shit, wow."

"I know."

"So now you've just gotta tell everyone?" They both nodded.

"YO SIMON AND JOSH ARE FUCKING...AND THEY'RE IN LOVE!" They all cracked up laughing and the other sidemen all rushed out to hear the commotion.

"What??"

"We told JJ, Tobi. Josh just broke up with Freya." Tobi laughed.

"Seriously?! Awh mate I'm so happy for you!!!" He hugged Simon tightly, jumping slightly in happiness.

"That's great, well done, man."

"Thanks Tobi."

"Wait what? What's happening?" Vik was so confused.

"They're in a relationship." JJ pointed between the two.

"Seriously?! Wow! Okl!" He was still slightly bemused but decided to play along. 

"Man we've gotta tell the others." JJ got his phone out and walked away.

"Is he going to call everyone for us and tell them down the phone??"

"It's possible. I don't even care any more." Josh hugged him sweetly.

"I love you."

"You too." The others all made a huge song-and-dance about it when they kissed, but really everyone was ok. In fact, hearing of a new love and seeing the two of them, especially Simon, so happy after being so sad lately put everyone else in a good mood.

"Cool, alright man, see you then. Bye." JJ walked back into the room a little later on.

"Right, we're all meeting at Picasso's for dinner. You two can break the good news then." 

"What?! Are you ok with that?" Simon looked worriedly at Josh who he was surprised to see smiling.

"I've got you, I can do anything." He hugged him where he was on his lap and kissed him. They laughed as Tobi made gagging noises and Josh was spurred on to make a show. He picked Simon up and pressed him harder into the sofa. Simon was laughing so much they couldn't kiss properly and just laughed at their friends' over-reactions.

They got ready and headed out for dinner, they were both nervous but when they told everyone, all of them were fine with it. Harry let it out the bag that he'd heard them talking in the bathroom of the club the night before, so he wasn't as surprised as the others. They'd done a good job of hiding it because everyone was surprised, though they all agreed upon thinking about it, that it wasn't that much of a shock. 

Thankfully, after explaining and answering a few questions, everyone seemed to take their news well and both Simon and Josh were incredibly relieved.

"This feels crazy - we can do anything." Simon said quietly


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love guys!
> 
> Please do comment and let me know what you're thinking of this story!
> 
> Take notes from Ewella - comment, subscribe and leave me kudos
> 
> Constructive criticism is always super welcome too! <3

"So that was...a surprise?" Vik asked Cal quietly as he stood outside the restaurant.

"Yeah! It- I...look I don't wanna be a dickhead but it's weird - right?"

"It'll take a bit of getting used to, yeah."

"I don't know if I wanna get used to it. I liked it how it was."

"Tell me about it - you don't have to live with them at least you don't have to hear them shagging-"

"Ew! Come on, man!" Vik just laughed at him and smacked his shoulder gently.

"You'll get used to it - anyways I'll see you later."

"Yeah - bye." Cal watched the others leave somewhat bitterly. He wasn't going to get used to this.

Harry didn't realise he was smiling when Elijah texted him until JJ called him out on it.  
"Someone sending you nudes again?" It got everyone's attention and Harry pulled a face at him.

"No - it's just - funny. Get off-!" He tried to wrestle his phone away from Ethan when he came up behind him and tried to snatch it.

"Oh look fuck off already!"

"Hey Harry it'd be cool to see you again - wanna go to Komedia in Brighton this Saturday? Joe Lycett is doing a gig I thought you'd like it - let me know! E."

"There - you happy now?" Harry snatched the phone back somewhat shakily before he read Elijah's name at the top of the conversation.

"So who's 'E' then?" Simon asked, they all sort of crowded round him in the chairs and sofas and Harry felt uncomfortable lying - but he wasn't ready to tell the truth, either.

"It's a friend."

"Bullshit is that a friend. 'Oh hey Harry it'd be great to see you again.'"

"Oh shut up." Harry's cheeks were getting hot. He wasn't good under pressure.

"Why are you being weird about her? You must really like this one."

"Yeah, ok? I do! Can we drop it, please?" They all cooed over him and Harry went into the kitchen area to text him back.

"Go on what are you replying?"

"Fuck off-"

"Just tell us!"

"Fine! 'Hey, yeah that sounds great I'll get the tickets - wanna go to dinner beforehand?"

"Bro your game is off."

"Why?"

"She had to ask you out - first of all. I mean good job getting her to do it but still, no girl likes to do the asking." Harry just rolled his eyes but inside he was cursing himself. What girl that any of them had ever known had asked them out first? None! He'd given them a vital clue. While he didn't want to make a big deal of it, he didn't want to steal Josh and Simon's thunder - and he didn't want to be labelled as anything he wasn't. He hadn't figured that out yet, and he wasn't in a rush to.

It seemed hours before Ethan left, and ages before everyone else went to bed. Simon and Josh were in agony by the time they finally got to get into bed together and kiss and touch without fear of people finding out.

"My god I've been wanting to do this all day." Simon groaned, Josh moaned in agreement as he kissed him again.

"I fucking love you, y'know." Simon writhed against his lover, the words hitting him hard and only increasing his arousal and desperation.

"I want you inside me - now." Josh shook his head.

"I'm taking my time with you tonight." Simon groaned but was not about to argue when Josh slipped the rest of his clothes off and slipped wet lips tightly around his cock.

Harry was relieved to be back in his home, in his bed and texting Elijah in private. He wanted to kiss him again - properly this time. He was sick of being scared to do what he wanted. He'd met so many guys he'd been attracted to, some of whom would've or may have even wanted him as well. This time was different, he was actually doing something about his feelings and he couldn't wait to get stuck in.

Simon's fingers tangled into Josh's hair and he fought the urge to push his head down as he sucked on him lewdly. Josh pulled off with a slight 'pop' and unbuckled his own belt whilst kissing the blonde messily. Simon lied down and pulled Josh's hips forwards until he was straddling his shoulders. Josh watched through heavy lids as Simon slowly, teasingly, pushed his mouth onto Josh's erection. His tongue swirled around and rubbed at the shaft, one of his hands massaged his balls, and Josh was so lost in the feeling, and Simon so lost in making him feel so good, that he suddenly realised he was about to orgasm.  
"S-stop I'm gonna cum-" Simon ignored him and Josh shook as he came hard in his mouth. Simon made a slight noise as he struggled to keep up with swallowing the amount of liquid but he did. He pulled off, panting heavily. Josh ran his thumb along his chin thoughtfully whilst they stared at one another before shuffling back down the bed and kissing him.

"I guess you'll have to wait a bit then." Simon giggled. 

"I've been waiting for this for ages I can wait a half an hour longer." 

Freya leant over her drink and wiped her eyes. Her dad sighed sadly and patted her shoulder.  
"I'm sorry, love."

"Me too."

"If he's gay that's...well, that couldn't be helped, could it?"

"No but it's the fact he cheated on me that got me-"

"I know love, I know. But even if he hadn't you still would've split up..at least you can't blame yourself for this." Freya nodded and her mum joined them, kissing her head.

"I thought we were gonna get move in together soon and e-everything-" She burst into tears, this pain wasn't fair. Why should she be in such pain when he was happy making a new life with Simon??


	12. Chapter 12

"My god that was so funny- I loved the support act - I wasn't expecting anything from her but she was bloody hilarious!" Elijah exclaimed as he and Harry left Komedia and headed to their dinner reservations at Jamie Oliver's restaurant.

"Me too! When she picked that guy out the audience I thought he was gonna die choking on his beer - he must've been like 18." They both laughed in recollection of the moment in the show.

Harry felt on top of the world while they had dinner and headed back to London on the train, back to Elijah's apartment. It was so refreshing having someone new to talk to. He was totally different from his best friends. He was funny, easy going, kind, clever. He was incredibly attractive. About as close to perfect as someone could get. And Harry felt privileged to be the one who had that longing stare fixed on him. 

By the time they reached his apartment, Harry had found a new confidence and was eager in kissing the taller man back and undressing him too.

They only got as far as oral sex, both getting carried away in the sensations. But it was still an intense, heady experience and they feel asleep together feeling content in the exciting thing that was the beginning of a new relationship.

"Morning, you." Josh said quietly with a smile to Simon the next morning. He chuckled and smiled, pulling him down for a gentle kiss. Eventually, when Josh's stomach started to growl, they agreed to go and fetch breakfast. Simon sat up and winced a little, Josh was immediately concerned.

"Ah babe- was I too rough last night?"

"Worth it every time. Last night was fucking brilliant." They laughed and kissed again, Josh pushed him back by his hips.

"Don't make me want you again - food. I need food."

"I'm also hungry for you, though.." Josh laughed and kissed his neck, leading him out to the kitchen, trying to ignore the kisses and touches being planted on his body, neck and hands.

"Cut it out I need food-"

"Eat me then."

"I will later on, trust me-" Josh pushed him against the counter and kissed him hard.

"Morn- woah, hey guys. Having fun?" JJ walked in and teased them immediately, not at all phased by their moment of passion. Simon laughed.

"More fun than you."

"Man- I fucking felt that one..." He pretended to nurse a wound until Simon threatened to kiss it better then he gave in with a laugh.

They made breakfast together, the smell of grilling bacon rousing Vik and Tobi too.

"Hey, you ok?" Cal asked Freezy when he finally crawled out of bed near lunch time.

"Yeah....just..drank too much.."

"Same as Harry apparently- he never made it home."

"He's with that girl isn't he? Didn't they go to Brighton to that comedy gig or something?"

"Oh yeah...that. That girl...yeah I remember." The blonde sat down with his coffee and popped a couple of aspirin.

"Why are you watching Jeremy Kyle?"

"Makes me feel better about my sad excuse for a personal life..at least I don't have a partner who's slept with my siblings and my parents and grandparents." Cal laughed and then groaned, slapping a hand over his sore eyes.

"So did you meet anyone?"

"Nope, no luck. So I hung out with my good friends Gin and Tonic all night." Cal laughed and switched the TV channel over, wondering absent-mindedly if things had gone well for Harry and this new girl.

Harry was woken by Elijah getting out of bed and going to the bathroom. When he walked back in Hatry smiled at him sleepily.

"Hey. Come back to bed..." He groaned quietly when he started to pick clothes out of his wardrobe.

"Sorry I'm meant to be meeting some friends today."

"Oh ok." Harry wiped his eyes and sat up, scrabbling around sleepily for his jeans and pulling them on. He got dressed quickly, not wanting to be a pain, and stood, Elijah hugged him tightly.

"Sorry babe, I feel like I'm kicking you out-"

"No, ssssh." He chuckled.

"Last night was great." 

"Yeah...it was.." Elijah shot him a half smile and kissed him heatedly again before heading for the shower.

"I guess I'll see you soon. I'll text you."

"Yeah sounds good!"

"Ok...bye..."

"Bye Harry!" He called from the shower. Harry sighed sleepily and left, still feeling a bit uncoordinated from having gotten up so quickly. 

When he got home Callux was there and waved.  
"Ey! How'd it go last night?"

"Ok. Yeah it was good, great actually. The gig was epic."

"Did you score?" Freezy mumbled.

"I'm not answering that question."

"That means yes. So why don't you look really happy then?" The brunette leant on the counter near where he was sitting.

"I dunno...just, I had to leave this morning cause h-she was meeting up with her friends. I just felt a bit awkward I guess." 

"Damn. She kicked you out?" Freezy asked bluntly, Cal slapped him over the head.

"No she didn't, she apologised and everything. It was just awkward after that."

"Did the sex not go well?"

"No it did, it was good. I dunno, I'm just being stupid. I need food." The two Callum's shrugged and pulled one worried and one bored face at each other.


	13. Chapter 13

Simon was trying to edit a video when Josh walked in.  
"Hey."

"Oh hi - what you up to?"

"Bored so I thought I'd come distract you." Simon laughed.

"Thanks.- oh, hello." He said in surprise when he swivelled his chair round. Josh chuckled and kissed his nose. 

"You know the guys are going out."

"Oh really? Where?"

"Dunno, don't care."

"Think we should go too?" Simon teased, laughing at Josh's slightly distraught face. 

"No I do not: I think we should stay here and be alone and have loud, nasty sex." Simon's gut clenched at the thought and he pulled him in for another kiss.

"Wanna do a video when I'm done editing this one?" Josh nodded and lied down on his bed on his phone while he finished editing, looking up at him every now and then, enjoying being able to watch him without him realising. His feelings had carried him away without him even realising how hard he'd fallen for the younger man.

Harry cursed as he failed miserably at FIFA yet again. He was normally so good, he was off his game for some reason. Chucking the remote in his chair when he stood, he flopped onto his bed, depressed.  
"Yo Harry you wan- woah, what's up with you?" Cal asked and sat down on the bed next to him, legs crossed.

"Nothin'...just bored."

"Is it that girl you've been seeing?" Dammit, Harry thought, why could Callum always see right through him?

"Kinda....no replies, which is weird cause we usually talk 24/7."

"She's probably just having a busy day, don't stress man. Anyway I was gonna ask if you wanna have a movie night cause Cal's going out with Weller and Tobi." 

"Is he still being weird about Josh and Simon?"

"Pretty much. I heard him on the phone with Simon earlier, he made up some weird excuse why he 'can't' be in his next Q&A with him. I don't know what his problem is, Si and Josh are like...I dunno...I was surprised but they click, yknow?"

"Yeah! They do..."

"So do I get to see a pic of this babe then?" Cal asked and shoved Harry to the side so he could lie down too. Harry looked nervous.

"What?"

"The umm...thing is...the 'E'...well.."

"What is it?" He asked quietly. Harry looked at him with wide eyes, scared but trusting.

"Stands for Elijah...he's a guy." Cal felt like he'd just been hit by a car.

"Oh-....." Harry looked petrified and disappointed. As sadness crossed over his face, Cal's brain kicked into gear and he shook his head. 

"I haven't got a problem with it - I'm just surprised." 

"Really?" Cal nodded and put on a smile, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder supportively. Harry smiled.

"Thanks, Cal."

"No worries. So what's the deal then?"

"With me? Or the guy?"

"Both. Spill the beans." Harry went on to tell him he didn't want any labelling of his sexuality, he wasn't sure what he was and he didn't want anyone else making their mind up for him. When it came to talking about Elijah, he told him everything. Cal tried so hard to keep himself under a calm mask, he really did.

"Well maybe he's just been busy. Designers are always scatty and busy. Don't worry about it." Harry nodded.  
"But if he dicks you about, even for a second, drop him because no one's worth that." Harry smiled sadly.

"Thanks. Yknow...listening, being cool." Cal squeezed his arm again.

"'S what I'm here for Haz." It was a sweet moment and Cal suddenly felt uncomfortable. He patted him and sat up, trying to look chilled out.

"So. Let's take your mind off him."

"Movies sound good - I'll be out in a sec."

Cal flopped down on the sofa and leant heavily on his hand. It was taking its toll on everyone, all these secrets. He couldn't deal with his own head, he needed to get out of it. He needed a distraction.

"Bye!" JJ yelled to Josh and Simon before heading out.

"Later!" They heard the front door close then turned to each other. Simon crawled up on Josh's lap and kissed him steadily. Josh linked his hands together over his ass and just enjoyed having him there. It didn't get heated for a long time, even after they got hard, both of them just content to hold one another and speak and laugh occasionally. Simon was the first to get impatient and shuffled closer, his erection rubbing against Josh's.

"What do you want?" Josh asked throatily, kissing his neck. Simon shuddered.

"I want you to fuck me."

"How?" Simon breathed shakily, arousal at talking so filthily taking over.

"I want it hard....I want you to fuck me...really hard.."

"I think I can manage that.." Josh pulled his hair just a little as he kissed him, just enough to make him moan. Their clothes came off slowly and Josh reached round to his ass again, lubing him up, stretching him, utterly frustrating him. Simon rocked back to his fingers, painfully frustrated. Josh removed them and slid his cock inside promptly.

"How fucking easy did you take that..." He teased, Simon was too blissed out to care. He moaned and leant down to kiss Josh again, moving his hips up and down. He moved to kneeling and bounced up and down on his length for several minutes, both of them too lost in the feeling to communicate. The way Simon's nails scratched at his shoulders just heightened the sensations for Josh and he watched the blonde through with arousal-heavy eyelids.

"It's not enough- I can't do it enough." Josh kissed him hard before pushing him off gently and kneeling behind him. He was fascinated by his twitching hole for a second before pushing in, head lolling back slightly at the intense pleasure. He moved in and out, fairly quickly, once again losing them both in the feeling.

"Harder- please, harder." Simon cried out when he slammed into him hard, to test his reaction.

"Like that?"

"F-fuck....yes...yes, do it again." Josh did again, and again, and continued, getting faster and harder each time until they were both moaning loudly and sweating with the exertion.

Simon didn't know what to do with himself, one second he was too lost in what was happening to do anything besides flop onto the mattress, the next he wanted to be upright.

"H-headboard." They both managed to shuffle forwards without breaking their connecting and Simon held onto the headboard to ground himself. He leant on his arm and cried out as Josh fucked him into oblivion. He'd totally forgotten about his dick until he felt himself about to cum. He squeezed the base, determined not to just yet. He had to make this last. This couldn't stop yet. Josh slowed down for a few minute, catching his breath, he leant on Simon's back and kissed his shoulder blade. Simon turned his head so he could kiss him again. 

"I wanna see your face..." Josh surprised him by pulling out and flipping him over. Simon chuckled and pulled him down for another kiss. Josh pushed back inside and started to move again. He built up pace until they were both aching to cum and trying desperately not to.

"Do it- let go..." Simon's back arched beautifully and he came with a long, loud cry as he did so. It was so intense his eyes teared up a little. When Josh moved to pull out he grabbed his forearm.

"In-inside..." He watched, hand still moving slowly on his dick as Josh fucked into him while he came, brows furrowed at the intensity. When he was done he pulled out gently and flopped down next to him. They were both red, panting heavily, sweating, lips and cocks swollen.

"That was...damn." They both giggled deliriously and Josh fumbled on the bedside table for a tissue and wiped Simon's chest that had a massive load pooled on it before pulling him against him. They fell asleep, not caring that they were sticky and a little smelly, just utterly content with each other.

"This bit gets me every time, I don't like it-" Harry winced before tucking his head between Cal's shoulders and the sofa. Cal was too distracted to be scared by the movie. Harry flinched when the demon suddenly threw her down the stairs with nasty sound effects.

"Damn." Cal commented. Harry pushed up out of the space only to duck back in a few moments later, his hand still on Callum's shoulder. He eventually resurfaced and they watched the climatic ending sequence. Harry freaked out a little at the ending of the doll.

"What the fuck?! I've never seen that bit before! Nah- is there a second one about that freaky ass doll?"

"Yep."

"Nah...nah that's wrong. That's so fucking scary."

"Maybe we should watch something a little more your speed...Tarzan? Bridget Jones' Diary? Eat. Pray. Love?" Harry punched him and Cal laughed weakly as he got up to put the next DVD in.

"What now?"

"Just whatever's next in the pile." Cal popped it in the player and sat back down. 

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you're enjoying this story - the last couple of chapters have sort of been fillers because I'm setting up a couple of new storylines! It's going to get exciting and dramatic and angsty real soon :D
> 
> I'd really appreciate a comment - I love hearing your thoughts!


	14. Chapter 14

Callum woke up cold one side and boiling hot and clammy on the other, it was a strange sensation. When gathered enough sense he looked down to see Harry curled up between him and the back of the couch, lying on half of him due to a lack of space. He stirred and Cal slipped his arm out from underneath him.

"Oh hi-"

"Hey. Shit you've killed my arm.." Harry laughed as he lifted up the dead limb and it flopped around, totally out of his control.

"Shit....I'm-I'm sorry-!" Cal couldn't help but smile at Harry's hysterics and make a deal of his arm which was completely devoid of all sensation.

"Oh my god-" Harry poked it and Cal just shrugged, trying to flex his fingers to get the blood circulating.

"Hey...you two have a nice snuggle last night?" Cal stumbled out of his bedroom groggily.

"Yes thanks. Well Harry did anyway-" Cal showed him his arm, Callum burst out laughing with Harry and Cal just nodded sarcastically and let them film him trying and failing epically to move it.

"We should make a video of this - like trying to write and cook and stuff. I'll sit on my hand too, hang on." Harry rushed off to get elastic bands and sat on the sofa while Calfreezy turned on the camera and filmed Cal doing the introduction. Harry waved with his free arm and Freezy also joined them at one stage to say hi.

"Right so- his arm is totally dead. We've got a selection of challenges. Number one - write your name please, Callum." 

"Ok Callum." He said ironically cheerfully and tried to pick up the pen.

"Shit he can't even pick it up!!!" They all laughed at his numerous attempts to gain control of his numb extremities.

The video was hilarious to film, Cal totally failed at the writing challenges. They got him to chop up a carrot too which was...dangerous, to say the least, but he got away without cutting himself....until he stopped the actual challenge. He went to put the knife in the sink and he dropped it, sending it careening down to his bare foot where it proceeded to slice open the top of the appendage.

"FUCK! WHY ARE THESE KNIVES SO SHARP?!" Harry jumped up off the sofa and filmed while Cal intervened and whacked a tea towel over the top of the gushing wound.

"Shit - shit is it bad? Fuck-" Cal was in too much shock to feel the pain and Callum lifted his leg in the air.

"Get it above your heart level - isn't that meant to help with bleeding?"

"Oh yeah...yeah yeah cause it's harder for the heart to pump the blood up there - good idea!" Cal lied down on the floor and tried to keep his leg up in the air, eventually giving up and letting Freezy hold it up for him.

"How bad is it Cal..?" He asked quietly, Harry could tell he was afraid and sat next to his head.

"Um...." Harry patted his chest supportively.

"Don't look at it Cal, it'll just freak you out, mate." Callux nodded and covered his face, leaning into Harry's leg as he sort of hugged round his shoulder.

"How bad is it?" He mouthed to Freezy who lifted the towel gingerly only to abruptly shove it back on.

"Bad. I think he needs it glued or stitched or something. Look." Cal made a nearly inaudible noise of protest when Harry climbed to his feet and left him alone on the floor. The skin was peeled back from the wound nastily, it had cut a deep gash that was a cross between an 'L' and 'V'shape.

"Fucking hell...." They looked at each other worriedly. Harry lied on the floor with Cal and spoke directly into his ear and face.

"Listen...we're gonna take you to hospital-"

"Ohh-" Harry pulled his hands away from his face and made him look at him.

"Just to make sure! Your foot's not gonna fall off, we just need to make sure it's ok, cause we don't know, do we? They may just bandage it and send you on your way, they might glue it, they might have to stitch it, we don't know. So we're gonna take you now, okay?" Cal calmed down and nodded, holding Harry's hand while Freezy knotted the towel round his foot and wrapped another one round it too before both of them helped him to his feet.

"Ok, let's go." They took him down to Callum's car and he drove while Harry sat in the back with Cal, trying to talk to him and distract him from the pain that was starting to set in now the initial adrenaline was wearing off.

"Sit there- I'll go tell them what's happened." Freezy walked away and Harry got him sat down and made him put his feet up on his lap.

They were sat there for nearly three hours in the rammed A&E, Cal was ignored for a long time because there was a lot of elderly people and children in, so of course they had to have priority. He didn't complain at all and just leant on his two friends silently until they called his name and Harry and Callum helped him follow the junior doctor.

"Ok...let's have a look at this..." The doctor said gently and undid the makeshift bandages, putting them in a container to her left. Cal just kept his face covered and leant against Harry's arm as he squeezed his shoulder.

"That's it you're doing really well, man." Callum encouraged gently. The doctor left to fetch some supplies and came back quickly with forceps, a needle, surgical thread, and bandages.

"Ok Callum, I'm gonna have to pop some stitches in there, ok? I'm gonna give you some painkillers and it'd probably be best for you if you didn't look, ok? Well done love, that's it." The nurse who had accompanied her in hooked him up to a drip and followed the doctor's instructions for which drug to put in.

"Ok, how you feeling now, Callum? Can you feel any pain?" She asked him a while later, he shook his head, a little delirious from the painkillers.

"Ok, good." She cleaned and stitched up the wound efficiently and he was all bandaged up in no time.

"Ok he can go home whenever, but one of you will need to stay with him because obviously he's still under the morphine..." 

"Yep, we all live together so that's fine. Thank you so much."

"Ok good. Ill give you these..." She passed some dressings to Freezy and gave him instructions on how to change the dressings while the nurse gave Harry crutches. Callum wouldn't be able to use them until after he was off the painkiller so e handed those to Freezy too, and he gave Callum a piggy back out of the hospital, which, drugged up, he found great fun.

"Shit...maybe we won't do that again."

"You think?!" Freezy sighed and shoved the supplies in the passenger seat.

Callum was a bit of a nightmare to keep still and safe while he was high on the painkillers and Harry had to carry him up to the apartment again. He sat him down on the sofa and they could finally take the opportunity to laugh at him as he looked around in confusion.

"Is this our house?"

"Yeah, Cal, it's our house."

"Is..it's very big isn't it?"

"I guess." He frowned in confusion, looking adorably lost.

".....is it...a house? There was a lot of stairs..."

"No mate it's a flat."

"You're very pink." Harry laughed at him as he poked his cheek gently.

"It's the stress of keeping you safe."

"Your lips are very pink...they're like....big for a man..." Freezy cracked up and Harry cursed at him when he saw he was filming.

"Umm, thanks?"

"You're my best friend...." Harry made a noise of surprise as Callum yanked him into a surprisingly strong hug.

"Thanks."

"Hey!"

"Oh Freezy! It's- it's Freezy! Freezy's up in the building! You're my other best friend man...you guys are the greatest..." His head flopped back on the sofa.

"I feel..funny..."

"It's the painkiller, Cal." He pulled a hilariously incredulous face.

"Why did I need one of those..?"

"You cut your foot."

"Really? Oh. Good thing we had some here then."

"No we went to the hospital, don't you remember?"

"No..oh yeah! And this thug-" He grabbed the blonde's leg and pulled him closer.

"Was staring at the nurse. Man even I noticed that..." He laughed and Cal slapped his head gently.

"Do you think you should go to bed, Cal?"

"It's not bed time. Look it's sunny!" Harry pushed him back on the sofa before he had the chance to step on his injured foot and he pulled a funny face.

"Ooh, check you out pushin' on my chest like that. We all knew it Harry-" Harry suddenly panicked - what if he spilled the beans about Elijah?

"Ok that's enough from you I think you need to be in bed-"

"Trying to get me into bed now?!" Freezy was in hysterics, oblivious to Harry's panic.

"Yep that's what I'm doing. Come hither, Callux, let me seduce you."

"Oh it's ok you don't have to seduce me I'm yours already." He stretched out theatrically, Freezy was in tears filming, Harry just laughed at him and shook his head.

"Ok gorgeous, let's go." Freezy followed them, filming despite Harry's protests, as he carried Cal into his room and plonked him down on his bed, being pulled down next to him when he didn't let go of his neck.

"Fucks sake-"

"Just cuddle me.....I'm a wounded man..." Harry pushed him off repeatedly until he gave up and let him lie on his chest.

"I love you Harry...." He slurred quietly.

"Yeah yeah, I love you too." He patted his shoulder awkwardly. He was asleep in about two minutes.

"You comfy there, Harry?" He flipped Cal the finger.

"Fuck you." Cal slowly backed out of the room, suppressing laughter, and shut the door. Harry eased himself out from underneath his friend once he was definitely unconscious and joined the blonde in the living room.

"Well that was a fucking disaster."

"Are you kidding me? We may have sliced his foot off but he's got like three videos worth of footage here."

"When you start thinking like that you know YouTube has taken over your life." They laughed together, somewhat shaky with guilt and relief that Cal was going to be ok, and, in Harry's case, relief that he hadn't spilled the beans on film and to Freezy about Elijah.


	15. Chapter 15

Pain was what woke Callum the next morning. Harry had slept next to him that night, worried about him, and he was also roused by the noise of him groaning in pain.

"You ok?" Callum looked over when he heard his sleepy voice and nodded through a grimace.

"Yeah just hurts..."

"I've gotta change the dressing so you can have some painkillers." They lied in silence for a while before Harry spoke again quietly.  
"I'm sorry, Cal." His head whipped around and he frowned at him.

"Why?" 

"Well it was kind of our fault I just....I'm sorry."

"Wasn't your fault, we're all just twats. I shouldn't have been so stupid - but it's only a cut and it was a laugh for you two I bet."

"Well not when you cut your foot, but when you were high you were pretty funny."

"Oh god...please tell me you didn't film me."

"Freezy did." Cal cursed loudly, making Harry laugh as he fetched his crutches for him.

Callum was still in bed, as usual, when they got up. Harry gave his friend his painkillers and he headed off for a shower. By the time he was done and changed, the painkillers would've kicked in enough for Harry to help him change the dressing.

He was in the process of grilling bacon when he came back out. He'd managed to yank on some sweatpants but couldn't balance on one foot whilst trying to pull on a shirt so he hadn't bothered. Harry turned the bacon down and grabbed the things for his foot.

"I can manage-"

"Just let me, I feel bad." Cal swallowed when Harry pushed on his shoulders to make him sit down and then knelt on the floor in front of him. A sudden image popped up in his head and Cal quickly pushed it away, mentally cursing himself angrily. 

Harry picked up his foot and put it on his thigh, peeling off the dressing sticker gently. He removed the pad and dabbed at the wound with the antiseptic ointment the doctor had given them on a piece of cotton wool. He threw that in the plastic bag with the old bandage and got a new one. He replaced it and wrapped the bandage around Cal's foot carefully, placing a new piece of tape over to keep the ends in place.

"Sexy." Cal commented, smiling wearily when Harry looked up at him.

"Thank you."

"No worries. Is it ok? Not too tight or anything?"

"Well if my foot falls off I can expect even better treatment than this for even longer, right?" Harry rolled his eyes at him, Cal laughed.

"It's fine. Thanks." Harry made their sandwiches and put one together for Freezy before sitting the two of them down and turning on the tv to see what was on.

When Freezy finally crawled out of bed, he and Harry enjoyed teasing Cal the rest of the day about his uber-affectionate demeanour.

By the time Cal went to bed he was a nervous wreck. He'd literally said to Harry that he loved him. Thank god they took it in a funny way. He'd been so close to ruining everything.

He couldn't sleep, even though he was still dosed up on painkillers and his foot wasn't bothering him, he was too wound up. The image from earlier popped into his head and he tried to ignore it, but without the immediate pressure of risking Harry see it, he was free to get hard and get off as he wished to.

He squirmed uncomfortably for a few minutes as he tried to find a comfortable spot where his erection wouldn't bother him so much. Sadly, he couldn't find one and he ended up touching himself gently. But then the image wasn't just an image. It was a clear picture, then he was imagining a whole scene, the build up, the event, the climax. He was imagining how it would feel. How it would feel to have Harry's pink lips around his cock-

The thought took him over the edge embarrassingly quickly and he came hard. It wasn't the first time he'd jerked off thinking of Harry - but it was the first time to this extent. It was the first time he'd really thought about it, how it would feel, the details. It was getting out of control.

Harry heard the familiar squeak of a bed and chuckled when he realised one of his friends was getting off. He still hadn't heard from Elijah. The message was coming across loud and clear. He was being ditched.

Simon and Josh did a cards against humanity video with Vik, JJ, Ethan and Tobi. It had been too long since their last one and they all enjoyed it greatly, a few times they made jokes about the two of them which Simon made them swear - on both their behalves - they'd edit out when the time came. 

"When are you going on holiday again?" Josh mumbled into Simon's chest that night as they lie together.

"Thursday."

"How long for?" The question was spoken in a small and quiet voice, the vulnerability in it so cute it made Simon's chest tight.

"A week. But if I tell them and they're not happy obviously it'll be less than that."

"As much as I love you and want you to come back to me ASAP - I hope it goes well." Simon kissed him chastely.

"Thank you..."


	16. Chapter 16

Simon reluctantly gave Josh one last kiss before opening the door and heading out to his parent's car on Thursday morning. Josh waved to his mum and sister while his dad climbed out to help him with his case. Then they were off, on their way to the Lake District.  
"So this should be fun! Thanks you two for coming with us, we wanted to have you both back to ourselves again!" Simon kissed his mother's hand and squeezed it before sitting back and hugging his sister.

"Nick would've come if he didn't have work." He felt slight disappointment in his mum that his older brother wasn't there and he tried to ensure her that it wasn't that he was avoiding spending quality time with the family.

"Put something good on the radio, dad." His nerves churned away nastily in his stomach and he forced a smile for his sister when she looked at him. Finding the time and place to come out was going to be terribly difficult.

Josh slumped down on the sofa and was sulking a little when Tobi joined him.  
"Hey. Simon gone?"

"Yep, gone gone gone." He mumbled in a tone a little crabbier than intended.

"Awww you miss him-"

"Fuck off...." Josh pushed him away as he teased him, Tobi just laughed and watched the tv shows with him on Comedy Central for the rest of the morning. Simon texted Josh on and off throughout the journey, wanting to talk to him but not wanting to look needy, and not arouse suspicion in his family. Fat chance of that.

"Who you been texting this whole time?" His sister asked loudly. He tried not to glare at her and smiled instead.

"Just the guys."

"Bullshit."

"I am! I'm talking to Josh!" He showed her the top of the conversation, 'accidentally' covering the messages with his hand with the way he was holding it. She nodded suspiciously.

"I believe you - this time." 

Freezy left the flat early to go up to Glasgow with the two Joe's. The noise of the shower woke Callum so he got up, unable to go back to sleep. He sent him off with a wave and sat down at the table, concern on being alone in the flat with Harry for the whole weekend creeping in.

When Harry woke, seeing him immediately brought back vivid memories of the night before and Cal tried to keep cool, but failed horribly.  
"Hi...Freez gone?" He mumbled groggily, sleepily cute when he rubbed his eyes and looked at Cal blearily.

"Yeah he left a while ago." He tried not to look at Harry's toned legs and ass in his boxer shorts when he turned round to get the milk from the fridge for his tea.

"You want one?"

"Um..yeah ok, thanks." His heartbeat was distressingly erratic. Harry plonked down on the sofa next to him, lying down with his head on his leg and passed him his tea. He then stole the remote and switched over to the latest episode of Game of Thrones on catchup. Cal had seen it, he'd missed it, and he picked up on the fact that Cal was surprisingly cool about letting him take control of their viewing. As if he cared about what was happening onscreen when all he could think about was the heat from Harry's head seeping through his sweatpants to his leg and trying to stay totally still, which only made his legs feel shaky. 

"You're letting me off?" He interrupted his thoughts.

"Well....uh..you- made me tea." Harry laughed.

"Man if that's all it takes. I did cut your foot open."

"Well you didn't...I did it myself." Harry nodded in semi-agreement and watched the television for a few uncomfortable minutes before pausing it.

Calum frowned questioningly, mouth dry as sand when Harry looked up at him.  
"Seriously though- you're not mad at us?"

"No Harry, in fact - I never want to speak to you again." Harry back-handed his arm gently, pulling a face that asked him to be serious.

"No I'm not mad. It wasn't your fault - chill. It'll heal up anyway." Harry nodded and patted his knee gently before pressing play and resuming the show.

Cal was tense through the whole show, luckily Harry was completely oblivious to his discomfort and stayed exactly where he was.

"I'm bored - wanna go over to see the others?" He asked once the show was finished.

"Sidemen others or others, others?"

"Sidemen others."

"Yeah!" He replied a little too enthusiastically, the relief at being able to get away from him heady, causing Harry to give him a slightly confused look.

He struggled to shower, in the end he lied in the bath with the bad foot hanging awkwardly over the side to keep it dry and showered off that way - anything to avoid taking Harry up on his earlier offer of help. That really would be the last nail in the coffin that contained his dignity.

"Oh hi!" Ethan greeted them cheerily when they walked in.

"Oh shit so this is the foot? Show us!"

"What? No! You'll get it infected or something!" Harry warned as Calum sat down, fully prepared to show off the nasty gouge that had been stitched up.

"Alright mum- c'mon Cal!" JJ joined in encouraging him. Josh peered over the back of the sofa to get a look as they all crowded round to see the grotesque-looking wound.

They all reacted to it in a suitably over-the-top fashion, with Ethan making gagging noises and JJ swearing loudly.  
"Does it hurt?"

"Not really I'm on painkillers. It's just annoying not being able to walk."

"So you did it during a video?" Vik asked.

"Yeah cause-long story. Basically my arm had gone dead-"

"Too much wanking-" Ethan interrupted, making himself giggle in the process.

"Because- how the fuck can too much wanking make your arm dead, you bellend?" They all laughed at Ethan and Cal's funny exchange.

"You tell me!"

"Anyway! It was dead so Cal and Harry thought it would be funny to try and make me do things- not those kinds of things!" He interrupted himself to stop JJ's dirty innuendos in their tracks as he grinned mischievously. 

"And one of them was to cut up some food and I just dropped it, the bloody thing's sharp so it cut this massive flappy bit out my foot." Cal laughed at their disgusted reactions, Harry a little less amused due to his guilt. No one but Cal noticed.

When Simon and his family finally arrived at their holiday rental in the Lake District, he was horrified to see that he had no signal on his phone. Without a wifi hub there too, he was totally disconnected from Josh and his friends. No backup, no support. He was truly on his own in this.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ewella again cause she's just awesome xD I really hope you're all enjoying this story!
> 
> If you are or if you aren't, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts! Feedback is the gift of life people!!!
> 
> Also, if you have any requests about things you'd like to see happening, be it a pairing or an event or a plot twist or something, let me know and I'll see what I can do! :D

Simon was woken up at 5am by his sister getting up from her bed in their shared room and going to get dressed. His dad poked his head round the side of the door and said, far too brightly for such an ungodly hour of the morning:  
"Morning! Cmon get up - we're going for a walk to see the sun rise!"

"Are you serious?" He slurred groggily. His dad just laughed and continued on up the hall.

Simon stayed in bed until the very last second before they all left. They all stood and shouted at him until he fell out the bed and angrily yanked on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie over the top of his bed tee, which he couldn't be bothered to change. 

"Happy?!" He asked grumpily as he joined them leaving the house.

"Yep! Good morning to you too, baby." His mum kissed a cheek as she passed him.

"Not filming this?" His dad commented teasingly.

"What? A walk? Hmm...."

"No! You should! The sunrise and the scenery and everything - it'll be beautiful! And it makes a change from your normal settings, right?" He sighed, nodding in agreement knowing she was right.

He was grumpy right up until they began to reach the top of one of the hills that their holiday rental cottage was nestled in between. The landscape suddenly fell out behind them as they climbed further and further out of the forests below. He pulled out his phone with his family and took some pictures before starting filming, the now beautiful setting and his happy relatives putting him in a better mood.

 

Harry decided that he'd finally had it waiting to hear from Elijah and decided to call him instead. It made him nervous and uncomfortable, but maybe the designer had been waiting for him to make the first move as he'd been doing himself?  
"Hello?"

"Hey Elijah, it's Harry."

"Harry- oh, hi! How are you?"

"Yeah alright thanks, you?"

"I'm um- I'm - can you give me a sec? Thanks. Sorry about that, yeah I'm good. Work's been crazy. What are you up to?" Elijah answered his question after obviously excusing himself from whoever he was with. The thought worried him slightly.

"Sorry is this a bad time?" 

"Not at all! So what's up?"

"Umm..well I just hadn't heard from you, I wondered if you uh- wanted to grab a drink or dinner or something one night this week."

"Uh...yeah...yeah sounds good, Harry. How 'bout you text me the details and I'll meet you?"

"Ok, yeah, fine. Sounds good - see you round then."

"Ok bye Harry, bye." Before he could reply the call beeped signalling it's end. Harry nodded awkwardly to himself, realising his face was hot with embarrassment. That had not gone as well as he'd hoped.

Cal sighed when he walked into the kitchen and heard Harry's conversation with Elijah. The guy sounded like an ass. Then again, he was biased.

"Morning, what you up to today?" He feigned ignorance when Harry walked out.

"Not a lot. Do you know anywhere good to eat?"

"In all of London? No, there's nowhere, you're wasting your time." Harry chuckled at him but rolled his eyes, prompting him for a more serious answer.

"The Leon restaurant is really good. Is this for any meal or a date meal?"

"Uh..date meal."

"Oh nice one! Elijah?" Harry nodded shyly.

"Nice, yeah there's good. Not too fancy but good enough to say special." Harry smiled.

"Thanks."

"So how's that going?"

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow- we haven't really spoken, he just said on the phone that work's been crazy so..." 

"Ah, ok, well good luck." Cal was impressed with his new-found acting skills.

Josh felt a little miffed when he looked at his phone for the sixth time that morning only to see that Simon hadn't seen or replied to any of his texts yet. He was obviously having too much fun to remember to bother replying. He chastised himself about being so damn petty - he hadn't realised how into Simon he really was until he'd gone away. He felt strange, as though, as cheesy as it sounded, a part of him was missing. He missed seeing his cheeky grin framed by the little dimples that were set in each of his cheeks, hearing his voice, talking to him, laughing, touching him in nondescript little places - stroking his arm, holding onto him round his shoulder, kissing his neck. Another pang of sadness hit him and he sent him one text saying he hoped he was having fun and good luck with everything before joining Tobi and JJ in going to Lakeside, shopping. An invite which he'd previously turned down.

 

Harry sat in the restaurant, waiting nervously. He'd been five minutes late himself because he'd left the flat, only to decide that his shirt wasn't right and that he should change back into the pale blue one in the pile of ones he'd tried on.  
He was horribly anxious and he wasn't even sure why. Because he was going to be out in public with a guy? Because it was Elijah in particular? Because it was his first date with a guy? Because it could lead to his first time? Did he even want it to be Elijah? He didn't exactly trust him. Fifteen minutes went by and Harry leant his head in his hands wearily. Had it all been for nothing?

His phone rang.  
"Hello?"

"Harry? Hi it's me, I'm so sorry I'm so late! I got stuck at work then I missed the tube - I'll be with you in a couple of minutes ok?"

"Oh ok sure! N-no worries! See you in a bit!" He put the phone down, a relieved, shaky grin passing across his face. Sure enough a few minutes later, the handsome designer jogged into the restaurant and waved at him. The waitress showed him over and Harry felt like a stupid, inexperienced little boy next to Elijah who smoothly leant over and planted a lingering, cologne-smelling kiss on his cheek before sitting down. He looked utterly put together, like he'd just showered and changed - not like he'd had a rushed day at work and practically run to the restaurant. Harry felt clumsy and awkward, his only relief the interruptions from the waitress as she took his date's drink order.

"So what was the big hold up at work?"

"Oh I'm project managing the design and build of a new estate for a special client. He's....a tad picky. It's been exciting, but today we just had nightmare after nightmare, the builder's turned up but the materials were late on delivery, and my assistant told the fabric warehouse we wanted this huge order of fabric for these amazing curtains like a month earlier than we did- anyway, sorry I'm rambling. But yeah, hectic." 

"Wow, sounds stressful. Seems like you needed a nice evening to treat yourself after working so hard." Elijah smiled and laughed, nodding in agreement. He was attractive. Harry squirmed uncomfortably when he realised that he was seriously into his wine and food. He prattled on for a while about this special type of cheese that was in the dish he'd chosen. Harry switched off after a while.

When they got to talking about music it didn't get any better. Harry felt out of his depth once again as he began to discuss various jazz and old rock and roll musicians and bands.

The conversation wasn't there at all, but the physical attraction was. Elijah kept his eyes fixed on him for most of the meal, he reached out and touched him in some way quite often too, sending tingles up his spine.  
"How was everything for you guys?"

"Excellent, thank you."

"Would you like to see the dessert menu?"

"I think we've already got dessert waiting at home - thanks." The waitress suppressed a giggle at his suggestive comment as he made it, eyes boring into Harry's cheekily. Harry felt the ambient temperature in the room raise by several degrees.

"Come back to my place?" He asked, that mischievous grin back on his face when they stood outside saying their goodbyes. Harry dug his hands further into his pockets and looked around the street as he tried to think about what he actually wanted.

"Come back with me...I want to be the one to show you all the tricks..." Harry laughed - sounding more nervous than intended - as he pushed him gently up against the wall and whispered in his ear, kissing and licking it afterwards.

"All of them? That could take a while.."

"I've got all weekend off-" He captured his mouth into a heated kiss and the rush of arousal made the decision for him.

Elijah wasn't aggressive - cheeky, yes, but he stopped occasionally to give him questioning looks or ask if he was OK as they progressed further into their passionate actions the closer they got to his apartment. That reassured Harry that he wasn't just an asshole, and by the time they reached the door he was so ready: he just wanted sex, however it was gonna come, he just needed it.

Elijah flicked a lamp on as he broke the kiss for a second and, torturously slowly, unbuttoned Harry's shirt. He chuckled at the groan of frustration and pushed him towards his bedroom.

Harry stumbled in backwards and didn't realise for a moment that the lights were already on.  
"You li- the FUCK?!" Elijah jump in back from hm made Harry jump and he spun round to see a young man on his bed.

"What's going on baby? You bring us another toy-"

"Shut up. Harry it's-"

"Harry?! Aww he's adorable. Sexy- ooh and hard! Well done..." Harry stared at Elijah incredulously as the other man approached him and blatantly checked him out before grabbing his crotch. Harry pushed him back and jumped a step backwards himself.

"The fuck's going on? Is this your boyfriend or something??"

"Oh please, I hate labels of commitment - I'm just a hottie he fucks-"

"Shut the FUCK up, Jon! Go outside, please."

"Ooh I like it when you tell me-"

"GO!" The man rolled his eyes and walked out. Elijah shook his head as Harry went to leave the room.

"Harry-"

"Don't fucking bother."

"It's not-"

"What it looks like? It's not a big deal? Right. You knew you were my first guy- fuck you."

"Harry! Come on- don't be like that! You know this...." He gestured between them and held him by the back of his neck.

"Works. It's great. Our fucking chemistry, Harry, imagine how great an angry fuck would be-" Harry shoved him hard against the wall.

"Stay away from me- get the hell out of my way." He stormed out of the bedroom and grabbed his shirt out of the hands of Jon who was examining it with distaste.

"You're going? So soon? Come on, stay!"

"Shut up Jon! Harry look, we're all grown ups-"

"Don't make me out to be some pathetic little kid. If you wanted this to be some weird, loose casual sex thing then you should make it clear from the beginning- not trick people into shagging you and not telling them you have a- probably more than one, actually - partners already. You're an asshole- and you think you're amazing, being a designer and knowing about weird cheeses doesn't make you better than the rest of us. Go fuck yourself." He shoved him away one last time before leaving the apartment, enraged, frustrated and hurt.


	18. Chapter 18

Cal flinched when Harry burst into the flat, slamming the door behind him.  
"Jesus?! What's up?"

"Nothing." He grunted.

"Right...so that's why you're in such a good mood?" He asked slowly, following him to his bedroom and leaning himself against the door, hands resting on the handles of his crutches.

"Just leave it, Cal." He sighed heavily, moving laundry off his bed.

"The date go well?"

"If it went well I wouldn't bloody be here in this mood, would I?! I'd be having sex right now!" Cal let the angry words wash over him, knowing Harry wasn't angry with him. He couldn't, however, ignore the fact that Harry would've gladly slept with him, had the date gone to plan.

"So what happened?" Harry sunk down to the floor and leant into his hands. Cal hated to see him so unhappy but stayed where he was, letting him breathe.

"We got back to his place and his boyfriend was in his bed, waiting for him to come home." Cal gaped at him in shock.

"Are you fucking serious?" Harry nodded.

"Shit...I'm sorry, man." He made a quiet murmur of agreement.

"Look it was only your first proper date, wasn't it? At least you didn't get in any further I guess."

"True."

"Sorry that's not much of a consolation is it.." He awkwardly clambered down on the floor next to his friend.

"Thanks anyway."

"Well he's a prick - you can do much better."

"I'd rather have someone else to be fair- he went on about this damn cheese for like fifteen minutes. I was like 'if you like it, great, but fucking eat it, then." Neither of them could help laughing hard, despite the sad situation.

"I don't think we were very well matched..." Cal nodded. He nudged him with his shoulder, Harry returned the gesture making them both chuckle at their awkward little rituals.

"Nah you should be with someone who enjoys what you enjoy- music, movies, gaming, footie and stuff. Someone who gets you - has the same sense of humour and everything."

"That'd be great...guess it's just gonna take a while to find 'em." Harry leant his head back on the edge of his bed and sighed. It suddenly dawned on Cal that this could be the best opportunity he would ever get.

"I dunno...sometimes these things are right under your nose and you just don't notice them.." Harry opened up his eyes and looked at Cal as he spoke. He wondered if he looked petrified- he felt it.

"Doubt it- is there anyone th- nope, thought so." He looked down in his lap and flopped back to his earlier position, chuckling to himself.

"Maybe not in your lap, but..." Harry frowned at him.

"What..?"

"Nothing, don't worry- ignore me." Harry grabbed his arm as he tried to stand. His face was worried, almost, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"That...sometimes...people- people can surprise you." He spoke with wide, frightened eyes, on his knees, Harry still holding his arm. He wondered if Harry could see what he was saying in his eyes, but he couldn't tell what was going on in his friend's head.

"Really..? I didn't think they did..."

"I think it happens more than you think."

"Not seeing any evidence of it so far." His voice was hoarse. Cal ducked down and hesitated in front of his lips for a couple of seconds before pressing against them. His own mouth was tingling when he pulled away. Harry's eyes opened wide.

"Cal- y-you're...straight?"

"Not as much as you'd think, it turns out." He whispered back.

"Since when?"

"Since I started to like you I guess."

"What?!" Harry sat up straighter, making Cal sit back a little so he wasn't still leaning over him.

"Don't flip out-"

"I'm not just...what??"

"What?"

"I mean- when, why?!"

"A while ago. You're cute. That's why. Just like anyone else...'cept we actually...are mates so.." He got embarrassed and began to move away when Harry suddenly grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him back. Cal fell back, unbalanced, and his foot squashed uncomfortably underneath him making him grunt in pain.

"Shit-! Sorry! Sorry!" Cal nearly laughed and readjusted his position, leaning back against the wall. He gestured for Harry to come back, which he did, an embarrassed smile on his face. He knelt between Cal's legs and kissed him again. His hands were warm on his neck, Cal couldn't believe that he was able to touch him properly - hands sliding down his sides and round his back. Harry sat back eventually, when they had to catch their breath, and just sat looking at him.

"This is so weird." He eventually commented.

"Eloquent."

"Not in a bad way." He mumbled, nudging Cal's knee gently. Cal leant back against the wall and sighed.

"What?"

"This just isn't how I thought it'd go."

"How did you think it would go?"

"Either you'd punch me in the face and hate me forever. Or we'd have some insane sex and then hate ourselves afterwards."

"So either way a good outcome then." Cal chuckled sadly.

"So what now?"

"You tell me?"

"That was..better than I thought - but then again I didn't think it would ever happen so..." Harry trailed off.

They say there in silence for a long time. Eventually Cal asked Harry to pass his crutches.

"Sure...." He did and they both stood up. Cal was surprised when Harry hugged him tightly.

"Don't let it get weird...please?" Cal did the only thing he could think of and kissed him again. Harry returned the action and soon they'd broken into a steady rhythm. Harry's mouth had gradually opened and Cal had tentatively licked across his lips, finding his tongue and encouraging it out to writhe against his own. Eventually they'd broken apart and Cal had pecked his lips once more before going to shower, not allowing himself to touch himself after becoming so excited doing the one thing he'd wanted to for what felt like a lifetime.

 

Simon felt sick through their dinner that evening. The whole time he was just trying to figure out how to say it - to get it out, it was eating him up from the inside.  
They were walking back to the cottage when he stopped. They all turned to look at him.

"Si? What's wrong?"

"I'm gay." He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but his stomach was churning and he'd probably sweated out half his water-weight through dinner.

"What?" His mum asked gently.

"I've been dating Josh, I-I'm gay. I'm sorry to like- shove it on you but I didn't know how to tell you and I felt bad and I just-" His sister hugged him tightly and he felt his lip trembling as he cried quietly.

"Hey it's ok- don't be upset. Don't cry." She whispered sweetly, kissing his shoulder.

"It's cool, right guys?" She turned back to their parents, smiling, but her smile died when she saw her dad walking away and her mum hurrying after him, clearly trying to diffuse the situation.

"Dad?" Lucy hated the shaky, broken tone in her brother's normally cheeky, upbeat voice and she rushed after them as he tried to catch up to their father.

"Dad- dad wait! Dad!"

"Just...just leave me, Simon. I don't want to discuss this any more tonight." Simon raced in front of his father, trying to block his path.

"Why? What is it? What's the problem?"

"The problem is that you had to do this tonight of all nights?! The one set time we had to be together and get alone as a family-"

"Which is why I chose now! I wanted to be honest with you guys!" The fact his dad, whom he'd always loved and admired so much was being so cruel was so shocking Simon couldn't quite believe it was happening. He almost felt like he was an onlooker, watching a different father and son have the argument. They approached their cottage, Lucy and his mum lagging behind.

"You're selfish! That's what this is! Selfishness! It's always about you! God dammit Simon I just wanted some time with my family and then you have to go and drop this...this...bombshell on all of us-"

"Bombshell?" He repeated quietly, in disbelief. His dad looked away sadly and shook his head.

"Why does it matter? Really?" Lucy and his mum finally entered the front door.

"Dad just chill out-"

"Because it changes things. Because you....you're different now."

"Paul-" his mum gasped, appalled at her husband's language. Simon nodded once, shocked and defeated, and headed into his room.

"How could you say that?! How could you do that to Simon?! It's Simon! He's your son!" Simon closed the door behind him and packed his things, eyes bleary with tears as his sister screamed at their father angrily.

He climbed out the window and walked as quickly as he could away from the cottage and back towards the pub, hoping they'd let him use the phone to call for a taxi.

Josh laughed with the others as they filmed their latest sidemen video: Articulate with the Sidemen and friends. Callux and Manny had also joined them for an evening of the competitive board game, with drinking penalties. He'd finally stopped missing Simon- he was relieved to be free of constantly thinking about him, as harsh as it sounded it was nice not feeling so pathetic while he was off having a nice time with his family.

The landlady in the pub recognised Simon as they'd only just been there for dinner when he arrived and she took in his ashen, tear-streaked face and his suitcase and ushered him out the back to her living room. It was also a house.

"Can I just use the phone please? I'll pay for the call-"

"Honey you go for it, take your time. Can I get you anything?"

"N-no- thank you." She nodded worriedly and left him alone to make the call. He cried down the phone, feeling utterly pathetic as he tried to make the taxi control man understand where he was.

It was going to take an hour for the cab to get there and so Simon went and sat outside, politely refusing the landlady's offer of a beer on the house. The temperature had dropped off suddenly in the afternoon and the mist had rolled in, now it was the evening it was nearly dark and Simon sat on a rock outside and leant on his hands until the cab pulled up.

"Where to, mate?"

"The nearest train station?"

"Sure thing- that's quite a way though, it won't be cheap."

"I don't mind." The man nodded and pulled away from the pub. They'd been driving for a long time before the man finally gave in to wondering what was wrong with the young blonde in the back of his cab and asked.

"You alright? You look like you're having a rough night."

"Could say that."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, but thanks." He nodded.

"Want any music?"

"Yeah alright." He put Radio 1 on and Simon was glad of a little distraction.

"How'd you get to be a cabbie?" Simon asked, an hour into their journey.

"My dad was one - I just always loved driving, made sense. Besides, out here it was that or be a farmer or work in a pub. I didn't fancy either." Simon chuckled.

"What do you do?"

"I'm a youtuber."

"Blimey. Sounds fun."

"Yeah...yeah it is." They talked on and off throughout the journey. When Simon climbed out, he did the same to get his case. He was younger than Simon had initially realised.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Call it quits."

"What? No that was a really long journey-"

"Please- you've had a shit day, and it's rare that I get a customer as nice as you. So.."

"No come on, please."

"Ok, call me some time and you can buy me a drink - that can be your way of paying me." Simon took the card he offered with his number on, somewhat dumbfounded, and tucked a rough estimate of how much the fare would've been into the man's shirt pocket when he refused to take it.

"I'm Simon."

"Terry. Good to meet you, Simon. I hope things cheer up for you."

"Thanks. They already did." He didn't mean it in the flirtatious way it sounded, and felt a little embarrassed when he heard it that way, but the way Terry's eyes lit up was sweet so he didn't backtrack and instead just smiled and left for the station, sadness clouding over him as he walked away, looking down at the number and remembering that was why his dad now resented him.


	19. Chapter 19

Simon sat on the small railway platform in the dark, waiting for the next train to come. It was half past ten but there in the countryside without all the fluorescent street lights it may as well have been midnight. This was the last one to leave for the night. It was going to Manchester though, so Simon planned to go there and then catch one of the late-night trains to London, hopefully there was one with very few stops.

He was going to text Josh but didn't know what to say, and the thought of his boyfriend simply made what had just happened with his dad all the more painful. So instead he just crossed his arms and leant back in the seat, looking out the window and trying to avoid his reflection the darker it got outside.

Simon fell asleep on the train back to London. It was lucky that Charing Cross was the last stop otherwise he would've gone straight through. The ticket guard came through checking the train and woke him with a chuckle.  
"Wakey wakey, mate. We're at Charing Cross."

"Oh...shit..thank you."

"No worries." Simon blearily grabbed his things and made his way out onto the strangely quiet platform and into the station. He got the tube as far as he could before walking the rest of the way. Josh or any one of the guys who had cars would've given him a lift, but he didn't feel like talking. He didn't even know what he was going to say to Josh when he saw him. The fact his dad's hurtful comments were already making him question what he had with Josh made Simon feel pathetic and sick to his stomach.

Exhaustion made his limbs heavy and his mind confused. He wasn't even thinking by the time he finally arrived home after what felt like weeks of travelling to get back there. He let himself in, surprised that it was completely quiet and dark. It didn't sound like anyone was up at all - a rarity in their house. Vik or JJ always stayed up beyond reason. Maybe they'd gone out.

He dropped all his stuff and headed straight to his bedroom, too tired to think about anything other than sleep.  
When he walked in and turned on the light he pulled his hoodie off only to cringe at his own smell. He didn't stink, but hours on public transport had left him feeling dirty and smelling more than a little unsavoury so he reluctantly decided to shower. 

Josh woke to the sound of someone in the shower. At this time of night? He sighed and waited for the water to stop running before climbing out of bed and going to call whoever it was some choice words.  
"What- Simon?! Hey!" Simon was barrelled into a tight hug.

"Hey Josh..."

"What are you doing back? Hey- you ok?" Alarm filled his face as he looked at Simon's empty expression.

"Didn't uh....go so well." Simon's voice turned hoarse as he started to get upset again. Josh's hands rubbed his back gently.

"You told them?" Simon nodded, biting his lip hard in an attempt to keep his tears in. But when Josh held him at arms length he couldn't stop them falling and Josh held him tightly as he cried.

"Hey, it's gonna be ok, I promise....I'm sorry they didn't react how you wanted them to." When Simon had calmed down and gone to wipe his eyes and nose he returned and kissed his boyfriend hard.

"Come to bed with me?" Josh nodded and led him into his bedroom. He pushed Simon's towel off and threw it aside when he climbed onto his lap and pulled his shirt off. He wriggled out of his jeans and pulled Simon down for a kiss. Simon was relieved to be back with him, kissing Josh, feeling the spikes of arousal he gave him, it was the only thing that currently made sense. He needed to feel close to him- feel loved. And Josh had missed him so much he was glad to give it to him again.

Soon they were rubbing against one another to relieve some of the growing pressure on their erections, Simon rustled about in the drawer while Josh touched him slowly to find the lube. When he did he made short work of getting himself ready, eager to have Josh inside him again. Josh looked up at him and watched his face flush a little and his eyelids drop lustfully, his mouth open in a quiet moan when he pushed inside him slowly. 

Simon was too weak and tired to stay on top for long and Josh was happy for him to lie down and him crawl on top of him, kissing him passionately as he slid himself back inside again. He fucked into him slow but firmly, making both of them moan each time he thrusted back in. Josh brought Simon to orgasm first, jerking him off whilst still fucking him slowly. He came with a sweet series of noises somewhere between whines and moans, sending Josh over the edge himself.

"Where should...?" He didn't need to ask the rest of the question, Simon just pulled at his thighs gently, signalling for him to stay inside.

"Inside....in-inside..." Simon clenched around him in an agonisingly good way while he came. Josh pulled out and collapsed next to him, by the time they'd caught their breath they'd fallen asleep.

The following morning, Josh woke Simon by accident, stroking his hair.  
"Shit sorry- go back to sleep."

"It's ok..." Josh resumed his action as it appeared to be comforting and Simon closed his eyes and sighed. He wished he'd just stayed here instead of trying - being with Josh was infinitely more enjoyable than receiving crap from his dad.

"So can I ask what happened?"

"Yeah...dad just...he didn't get like...angry, angry....but he was bare harsh about it and I just didn't want to stay there so I left." 

"Babe....you got what..a taxi, a train? The tube?"

"Taxi...two trains..tube, then walked home."

"Why didn't you call me? I would've picked you up from the train station. If I could've been there quickly I would've picked you up from where you were staying..."

"I know- thank you." Simon squeezed his hand.  
"I just couldn't face anyone, I wanted some time alone."

"Of course..." Josh kissed his head.

"You want some space now?"

"No, no. I'm glad to be back with you, I missed you y'know..." Josh smiled in spite of the sad situation at the shyness in Simon's voice.

"Yeah?" Simon looked up at him and nodded.

"Well I missed you too so..makes two of us." Simon smiled and Josh was over the moon to see it.

"That's better. Want breakfast?" His stomach growled loudly as he was about to answer, making them both laugh.

"Let's go." They stood and Simon pulled him into a hard kiss.

"Thank you." He hugged him tightly. Josh smiled to himself.

"Nothing to thank me for."

"Yeah I do...you make me happier than anyone else can. And that was pretty much true even when we were just friends." Josh nodded in agreement.

"Yeah we always did get on well, didn't we? It's weird we were friends for so long and never realised." 

"It is - maybe we did, I don't know. Either way I'm glad we did in the end."

"Yeah? Even now?" Josh asked, wanting to see if Simon was being completely truthful.

"Absolutely. If my dad wants to be a prick that's his choice. Nothing's gonna ruin this- I was so miserable last night, then this morning waking up with you again....I know which one I'd rather be doing." Josh smiled and kissed him gently before moving to get breakfast things out.

"You want tea?" Simon replied he'd rather have orange juice and set about making their toast while Josh fetched them drinks. 

Simon texted his sister back who had been trying to contact him nearly nonstop since he'd left, assuring her he was alright and safe back at home. 

"Lucy?" He nodded and put his phone on the side.

"That's it - I'm not bothering with anyone else today. So I'm either all yours or I'm all the tv's." Josh chuckled and they sat down with Netflix while they ate.

"We should get into a new series."

"Did you ever see Happy Valley?"

"Sounds like a show about the village people." Josh laughed.

"No it's a crime show - ironic title, I think. My parents said it's really good, anyway. You know what they're like with television."

"Give it a go, see what it's like." After one episode they were both absolutely hooked.

When Tobi got up he had to do a double-take when he saw Simon with Josh.  
"You're back?"

"Yeah- long story-" Josh started, interrupted by Simon shushing him.

"Sshhh!" Tobi laughed at Simon slapping Josh and pointing at the screen.

"Sorry- hey Tobi."

"Hey." He left them to it.

Harry woke with a raging erection and was determined not to think about his more than confusing kiss with Cal the day before but couldn't shake the thoughts from his head. The memories of how he felt having him stand so close, being able to smell his aftershave, the feeling of his lips...they were too vivid to ignore. And at any rate, they were giving him such good wank material that he was too weak to argue with himself, and came hard into his fist.

Cal woke up and reluctantly made himself breakfast - after hesitating behind his bedroom door for about ten minutes. The thought of seeing Harry was equally terrifying and exciting. He just prayed Harry wouldn't be upset about it. He'd seemed fairly cool, considering, the previous night. But after he'd slept on it, who knew how he'd feel?

Harry still wasn't out of bed so he returned to his room, disappointed and relieved, and started editing the footage from his disastrous video with his roommates a few days before.

Harry went for a shower cautiously-checking if Cal was out of his room yet before going in. When he did he washed quickly and then shut himself back in his room, wondering if Cal was doing the same, as being up so late when he had things to do was so unlike him.

They both sat alone in their bedrooms and agonised over wether or not they'd ruined their friendship for good, and if this awkwardness would ever end.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you guys think? Please leave a quick comment and kudos and subscribe so I can see if it's a hot or not! 
> 
> If there's anything you didn't like or really want to see happening - let me know! :D


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